Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aka, Oct 12, 2010.

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  1. Aka

    Aka New Member

    Hey, I'm Aka. I'm new to this forum. I joined up today because I'm in desperate need of help.
    For almost 2 years now I've been suffering with horrible depression. Every day I wake up wishing I would just drop dead. My mother was hooked on heroin all throughout my childhood so instead of making friends I had to look out for my little sister. Now that I'm sixteen I find it harder to interact with people than ever. The one friend I did have is moving to America to live with her boyfriend, leaving me all alone. Because of my insomnia I lie awake all night hating myself for being so socially awkward and for being unable to interact with those around me. I have three (although I hate to admit it) imaginary friends who keep me company throughout the night and take my mind off of hating myself. I know, sixteen and still has imaginary friends, pathetic right?
    I've tried counselling three times and although it seems to do the trick short-term the feelings of depression soon come rushing back.
    I've only ever had two romantic escapades, both ending in disaster. I'm thinking of coming out as bisexual but I'm too worried of what people will think. I'm already considered a freak just for not being into the whole drink 'n' drugs scene and for actually caring about my studies, why add fuel to the fire?
    I'm also beginning to lose my faith in God. I keep praying to him to either help me improve my life or take it and give it to someone who deserves it. It breaks my heart that while I'm here loathing my existence, tiny babies who never get a chance at living die the day they're born.
    I'm at the end of my tether here, I was hoping that somebody would please give me some hope, some encouragement that things do get better because right now I need to know that there's somebody out there who does care for me.
    Sorry for prattling on... :'/
  2. XsweetpoetX

    XsweetpoetX Well-Known Member

    Hey Aka, I also grew up with parents who were drug addicts. Being th oldest girl I played second mother to the younger ones. I forgot to care for myself since I was too busy doing my parents job. Please realize you are important. And youre not a freak for not wanting to party. You should be proud of that.
    Their is other people out there that are like you. Please stay strong.

    And welcome to SF. If you ever need anyone to talk too,feel free to PM me.
  3. Kemra

    Kemra Well-Known Member

    Hiya Aka, welcome to SF, was sorry to hear about your friend moving away, this is a great place to make new friends though, people here are not just nice but understanding and caring. Don't feel like a freak because your not into drinking and drugs, its only now that I look back on my teen years and realise how much of my life I wasted being into that scene. You show intelligence and maturity by not bowing to peer pressure and committing yourself to your studies. Things do get better to, life is hard, but as I'm trying to teach myself even the smallest of happy moments makes it worth living :)

    And don't feel bad at all about 'prattling on' thats what the forums are for.
  4. Khloe

    Khloe Well-Known Member

    Hello, welcome to the forums!!
    I only joined yesterday, so i'm a newbie too!

    Not sure where you are from hun?
    But i'm in the UK, and i also have a simular kind of story to you.
    I'm Bisexual (more lesbian tbh) and it was hard coming out to my friends, more so than my mum, as she still to this day chooses to not beleive it. Where as my friends all had an opinion of it. Which was horrible.

    My mum smokes drugs, she never used to, but she does now.
    I'm so against it, so its pretty hard to live with.

    I've self harmed for about 6 years, and although i've never had any proper
    suicidal thoughts, i have felt like i haven't wanted to be here anymore, and wished that somebody would just come and take me away.

    If you ever want to talk hun, please please PM me.
    I use msn alot, always on there!


  5. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. im glad you have joined, i also joined a few days back. you will have lots of support here hunny, keep strong and pm me if you ever need *hugs*
  6. down-and-maybeout

    down-and-maybeout Well-Known Member

    hi aka, i'm sorry your struggle is so hard and at such a young age too - i know what severe depression can do

    there's no shame in having imaginary friends - i'm in my 30s and i have an imaginary friend that i talk to when i feel really alone; she's the only one i can trust who listens to me
  7. Aka

    Aka New Member

    Thank-you so much every-one, it helps to know that I'm not the only one who suffers with these kind of problems and that I'm not alone out there. The good news is that I'm being referred to a Psychiatrist in Southampton so hopefully something will get done!
    I hope it'd be okay to message some of you guys if I feel particularly down again? I need all the friends that I can get right now!
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