I can't seem to think now. I am overwhelmed. Watching every day while the woman I've loved so long get closer to him. The text messages all day. Is this significant? Checked FB this morning for any birthday wishers. She was the only one. Top of the page: his post for some applet on sexual positions. I don't think the events are the thing. Just sadness so deep I drown in it. I had a plan for today, a way to die. Yesterday, it seemed to make sense to put it off. Now nothing at all makes sense. God I have 5 meetings I have to attend today and somehow keep my job. I don't want to alarm anyone and have them stop me. If I feel that way, why am I here again? See I am not making sense. My own mind babbles at me. Tonight she moves to the guest room. I will sleep alone. I will sleep forever. The logic says maybe I shouldn't, but I can't grasp it. I hate myself for letting this happen.