Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by luvliv, Nov 1, 2010.

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  1. luvliv

    luvliv New Member

    please. anybody.

    i just don't know what to do any more. the smallest bits of life seem like too much to bear - just walking across campus seems as if it's my last great journey before a final sleep. but i know deep down that i need to keep going, that 20 year olds need to keep living, only i don't know how. everything seems so helpless; i take medication for one thing and then a whole slew of medications to counteract the side effects of the first. i'm becoming a pharmacy, and i'm losing my memory and my physical strength in the process. i just don't know what i can control anymore, if it's even anything. if there's even anything worth saving.

    i feel like a drain on the system if i stay; sure my mom is glad to have me around, but surely my pain is the same as hers and the drugs that poison me could save someone else. even now, i'm selfish, selfish, selfish.

    registering for classes soon. thinking of the future. is this some sick joke? i don't want a future; i want to be gone before i have a chance to fail yet again.

    please. if someone is out there, i'm calling to you.
  2. Autumnal

    Autumnal Member

    I was deeply depressed in college and grad school as well - in grad school it was always alcohol that was draining me down.

    Don't know what drugs you're on, but try to stick in there. Do you have any friends at your college, or do you have no energy for friends?

    I'm hitting my thirties and all my friends are married - so I sit alone everynight by my lonesome thinking about, you guessed it.

    In college I would go on long walks, sometimes and 2-3 in the morning to clear my mind. Might want to give it a whirl.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Luvliv,
    You need to talk to your doctor about your energy level.. Alot of meds make you tired and lack of motivation..Maybe you need to make some changes.. It took them six years to find the right combination for me.. I still get depressed and have lack of motivation but know I will get over it eventually so I keep pushing forward..Exercise is good to help with the motivation.. Even if it's a long walk..I wish you the best..
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