I dont know what to do anymore. All my life I've felt like I'm a burden, and It feels like I hurt everyone around me. I have bad confidence issues which have completely been completely shattered recently and I have paranoia and trust issues with some people. Its driving me mad. Some people in my life have completely destroyed my trust in them and have betrayed me, which in turn weakens my trust in others and increases my paranoia. Ive self harmed numerous times in the past and contemplated suicide so many times. Even at the age of ten Ive felt suicidal (I cant remember why I felt that way back then though). Im scared. At times I can be happy, but all it takes is one thing to go wrong and all my past memories and feelings come rushing back and it takes over me and when that happens, I feel so pathetic, useless and stupid. The pain is unbearable and I get the nagging urge to end it all and I cant shake it off. I cant talk to anyone. All the people Ive told about my problems and my feelings always tell me to "Cheer up" or "things will get better" which seriously does not help since it just seems like they havent been properly listening and are trying to force me to be happy, or they tell me not to commit suicide or self harm because theyd miss me or if I did, theyd commit suicide as well, which makes me feel guilty and conflicted. I once got called an "attention seeking *****" by my ex (was current boyfriend at the time) when I mentioned I had self harmed, which obviously make me feel very unwilling to open up to others. I also feel unwilling to talk to people about it since when I do, they get upset or depressed, and I feel so so guilty and again clamp up about my problems. I just need some advice. How can I get rid of these feelings? Im so conflicted. I dont really want to die, since Ill miss a lot of people and when Im happy, I really enjoy life. But when Im depressed, the feeling of suicide or self harm is so seductive that at times its hard to control. I need help. Is there anything I can do to come to terms with these feelings properly and deal with them?