Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Asylum, Jan 15, 2011.

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  1. Asylum

    Asylum New Member

    well here goes nothing... I'm posting this here as a last resort i don't know what else to do...

    well..i've felt so depressed recently that I just don't have any motivation, emotion or anything feelings at all.. all i want to do is just sit around and stare off into space... I don't want to go to work, finish my GED, or hang out with friends, play my guitar etc. and if i try i have to force myself and it just makes it worse... even music sounds "blah" to me which used to be my only comfort i could find... i feel so empty... what the hell is wrong with me? how can i bored with everything?? ..i've tired and tired to talk to people for help over and over again and i've tired to make friends and it doesn't work.. over and over again i have failed... "brushing it off" or "getting over it" isn't going to help that just makes me more depressed , if that's the only way to fix this shitty life of mine then i don't want to live...i have "brushed it off" for this long and it just makes me more numb and depressed.. i'm done not be accepted by anybody or looked at as "weird" or whatever other evil thoughts people have.. nobody gives a shit about anybody else's feelings anymore its sad when you can watch the news and see somebody get ran over and people just drive on by because they are feelingless worthless excuses for people.. am i the only person left on this earth with a real heart and feelings?? but being so makes me abnormal??? i don't give a crap if this is a "touchy subject" for any of you because I'm not joking and I'm dead serious and i've come to this as my final resort but as soon a is i find a way i think I'm just going to just kill myself..( :i'm sorry: ) i feel like i don't have anymore strength left to hold on... i really cant take this anymore nothing i do works and i'm done living in a place where nobody cares about anybody else but themselves or if they do it has to benefit them.. people tell me go get help, to "talk" to somebody...well what the hell do u think i've been trying to do?? i don't think i can ever be happy.... why go see a "professional" if all they do is give u a magic pill that suppose to help you that you take on a set schedule or daily basis, i don't want to be happy that way i want to find peace in my life for real not from chemicals that alter your brain to make you feel happy.. smoking marijuana helps the most because it lets me relax and forget I'm unhappy .. but that isn't a way to live for the rest of my life... how can i get a job and be successful if nothing makes me happy and nobody gives a fuck in the first place of anything i do? i cant go to work everyday just trying to get by that's not a way to live ether.. how can i care about myself enough to do these things if nobody cares about me?... I'm done with my life i feel like giving up completely I'm tired of just sleeping around all day and rotting away hoping someday somebody will show up and know what to do... i ask for help over and over again and i try and tell people how i feel and nobody knows what to do ...what's the point of bettering yourself when nobody gives a fuck? except your immediate family which suppose to Anyways which helps a little bit but sometimes you just need somebody you can be close to but nobody wants to be with me or get to know me or gives a fuck about anything about me, what happens later in life when my parents die and I'm all alone? how can i ever get out of this hole unless somebody helps me? i really don't know what to do anymore....fuck this worthless human race I'm losing respect for life everyday i didn't ask to be born Anyways....maybe its just that nobody knows how to help me? maybe there is no help for me?? i don't know...but i give up.. somebody help me..=\

    (sorry for any typos)
    thanks for reading...

  2. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    Hi Asylum, I'm so sorry you feel this way, maybe being here amongst others who feel the same, or similar, can give you some relief. If I were you I'd try therapy and meds, you never know how much they can help you until you try. And, there are people who care, it just seems there aren't any when we're so down. I hope you don't give up.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Well, not all therapy is simply a "magic pill" Therapists are there for you to talk to and express your feelings with and they don't prescribe medication. I don't know if you can see a therapist, but it might be helpful. Maybe you will be able to vent your feelings and not set them aside anymore. Allow them to exist and not suppress them to the point of empty emotionless and numbness. Also, a lot of the time people really don't understand what its like and sometimes they don't know how to help us. :hug:

    Anyway, I hope things will improve for you. Being a robot is not fun.. been there, done that. But it can get better.
  4. Asylum

    Asylum New Member

    i dont even know how id even go about getting a therapist or any kind of help for that matter so thats why im here i guess... i have no car, job and i have no desire to even get one because im so down, and on top of that i couldnt even pay forthe meds or treatment etc and id have to rely on my parents to take me there and pay for it which would make me feel even more worse... i dont even know if im ready to tell them whats bothering me because they are pretty ignorant when it comes to that stuff their idea of "advice" is to " "just get over it" and that is the worst advice possible if you ask me ...and im not ready to deal with that drama yet or frustration with how ignorant they can be in that matter they have no idea what ive been through or what they have put me through. everytime i bring something up they just deny it and say its in my head or that i should just get out of the can i get out of the house when i feel so weird to everybody and unaccepted? all i do in social situations is just sit there and not talk because i dont know how to approch anybody and im scared ill do something socialy weird and people will give me dirty looks or find something bad to say about me or make me feel stupid..heh... i guess im trying to cope with it by self medicating which is the only way at the moment ive found that makes me be social or get out of the house.. because this way ill just forget im unhappy because ill be so stoned i dont even give a crap about anything... if i dont smoke marijuana everything just hits me in the face all at once like right now and i feel like im slowly losing my mind... i know it can be "wrong" but its better then killing myself i guess.. it really sucks when everybody looks at you different and that im strange or weird to everybody i try to make friends with.. maybe somethings wrong with my personality or me? even though i have no idea what i do wrong? maybe im better off avoiding people altogether?... its like nobody wants anything to do with me no matter how hard i try to make friends or meet people... i feel worthless and hopeless because of it but thats only the tip of the iceberg that helps fuel all the other uncontrollable emotions i have out of the hundreds of stuff i can think of thats putting me down..people have asked if i was bi-polar but i cant be because its just a extreme low for me 24/7 never a up side to anything... i have to force myself to enjoy anything and that only works until im alone again and then my thoughts come rushing back ...and i just dont know what to do anymore with myself or other people etc...anyways thanks for your responses.. =\
  5. chjones21

    chjones21 Well-Known Member

    Hey Asylum - I am not a counselor so take this as it comes. I just wonder whether you might get a lot out of volunteering, in a very basic way - nothing too complex or stressful. I don't know where you live but I used to volunteer with a place called "food on foot" and it was just very good to get me out of the house, it sounds stupid but I always felt better after having done it too. All I had to do was simply dish out (whatever food it was) for two hours on a Saturday from 1pm until 3pm.

    Initially I didn't speak all that much to the other volunteers (excepting the part at the beginning where there was this awful circle thing - where everyone had to say their name and what they did, which I mumbled my way through so no-one heard anything anyway!).

    I just wondered whether you might - through the internet or whatever - see if there was a similar type work or voluntary opportunity. There are more complex ones like Habitat for Humanity but perhaps if you start with something where it doesn't much matter whether you turn up one week and not the next. Actually to get around to doing it, researching it, setting up the first time is going to be the most difficult part to get out of the sludge that your feet (and head) are stuck in but if you can manage that, the going part gets easier and easier and lighter and lighter and you gain more and more energy and motivation --- bit by bit. Of course, there are occasionally set-backs too, someone looks at you funny (or so you perceive it) or is a bit sharp and it knocks your ego back into outer space for a few days but generally it is an up... a gentle way, to start to get movement again after too much stagnation. And really stagnation in life (for me at least) is just like stagnation in water, it stands too long it starts to fester and stink - whereas running water keeps clean and fresh.

    It takes time to slowly remove some of the boulders that have gathered up and around to create the dam and stagnate the water but once slowly one starts to dislodge them (takes an initial mental push, which isn't easy) the water itself will also start naturally to flow throw the gaps and as it flows out, more also flows in --- until finally one has a clear running stream and creates a cool clear pool which is fed by incoming water and feeds out to the stream in equal measure...

    It is not necessarily easily to start with dislodging all that shite that has built up but it is worth just fumbling to see if you can. :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2011
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