Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by flyfairy, Jan 19, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. flyfairy

    flyfairy Member

    Help. I don't want to live. I need help but anyone I turn to gets angry, reinforcing the need for me to leave them in peace. Noone understands how I feel and I can't seem to make anyone understand enough to help me. I can't do it alone. I want to die so bad. There's noone to turn to. I wish this was physical pain. So much easier to deal with in public.

    I'm just self indulgent. My partner gets so angry. He says I'm disrespectful of him and he doesn't want dragging down with me. He doesn't want 'that shit at his door'. I tried to turn to him to get support but he said 'how fucking dare you put that on my plate, I'm here for you but that's it'.

    Who do I talk to? Please help me, I need someone to help me. I just need someone to give me a hug so I can sob into their chest until I'm empty of tears. Its the only way I see of getting any peace before death.

    I need someone here to help me in person.

    I hate myself for being so selfish. This is why I don't deserve to have a life.
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Do you want to talk about whats bothering you?
  3. flyfairy

    flyfairy Member

    Thank you.

    I just don't know. There's no reason for the way I feel except the fact I came off my meds. I have a doctor appointment on friday. But in the mean time I am sitting in my spare room.. There is a lock on the door.. Its the place I am planning to do it, so my partner won't see my body. I'm not planning in doing it right now - I don't have the means. Just he's not talking to me so I'm hiding. He's angry for putting it on him you see. I shouldn't have said anything. I was just reaching out for help but it back fired. Stupid stupid me. Its our anniversary and I ruined it with my depression.

    I just want someone, anyone, to walk in here and hold me. Tight!!!
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi flyfairy i think if you could come out of that room and ask your partner to perhaps just spend some time together. Go for a coffee supper and get your mind on better things. why did you go off your meds I hope you can get into see a doctor soon. If you are unstable then you need to go to hospital where a nurse and doctor will help you get stable. No need to wait show your partner you can be strong okay and get help from professionals He is right he cannot help you because he does not understand. Only professionals can help okay.
    I am glad you are reaching out here For you get out of the room and go ask your partner to take you outside okay and enjoy life around you just for tonight. If you cannot then phone crisis line and get someone to take you to hospital. Hugs coming your way now to give your strength to get in and get help for you.:hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
  5. flyfairy

    flyfairy Member

    I can't. He's too angry. I can't call anyone cos he will hear me. I'm too scared to call my friend in case she gets mad too.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi will not stay angry if he sees you want to try and go out and be with him.
    Let him get angry you are allowed to call for support if he cannot give it to you
    call crisis just to talk okay talk
  7. flyfairy

    flyfairy Member

    Thanks TE. :)

    I've got nothing to say. Just want to be held. I can't face walking into the room where he is. He's got so much hatred for me today. This happened twice before, once a year ago when I was with him.. I tried to tell him I wanted help and to get better but he was angry at me for making him feel bad.

    The time before that my bf at the time had just died and I text my brother who then called me dad who came to get me and took me to his house. But then my mum was so angry because I'd been signed off work for 3 months as a result and she hated me in case I ruined my career.

    I can't ask anyone for help they just all get angry.

    I'm sorry I'm being so difficult.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your not being difficult your afraid i get that This is why we have to call someone that understands the crisis line people understand Good Samaritans understand because they have been through this themselves. A proffessional will understand and will help you they do not judge okay Hug to you from me :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
  9. flyfairy

    flyfairy Member

    Just wanted to let you know I'm still here.. Got through the night. My partner smashed the door down to get to me and was very cross cos I hadn't apologised for bringing him down. But he did make me an appointment with the doc who referred me to a psychiatrist. Much needed. He signed me off work for a week but I'm not sure work will be sympathetic with depression.

    Thanks for support.

  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, I hope you find the support your looking for here, if you ever want to talk or vent you can PM me anytime.

    I think its a little unfair for those around you to get mad at you for feeling the way that you do. Im sorry that they wont support you. Im sorry that they cant understand but its unfair for you to have to feel worse for just trying to bring your feelings to light.

    You are a person that deserves for people to listen to, dont let them make you keep it all in. Come here if it helps, I hope that the doctor visit goes great and that you feel some relief being able to let some of it out.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.