help..?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ////, Feb 5, 2011.

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  1. ////

    //// New Member

    Hey i just joined because i was really upset a few hours ago and i think i really need help. All day I've been crying because the love of my life just left me today after we've known each other for 3 years. I've cut ever since our first big fight together last summer but its been getting really bad lately. My cuts get deeper each time i do it and i start cutting more each time too. I dont know why i do it really. Its just sometimes i really start to blame myself for stuff and i hate myself for it i guess. Im not really sure because after the feeling i get goes away i tend to forget how it feels exactly. All i remember is feeling really mad and sad at the same time. I cant stop sobbing or anything. Also i sorta do weird things like pull my hair and put my head between my knees and pretend my heads being cushed. At least thats what i did today because i couldnt find my razors...Is it normal to flip out like that? I really doubt it. I thought i was going insane. Oh and when i cut i normally just carve words or phrases that are racing thorough my head at the time into my forearm. Did/does anyone else do that or am i just weird? Does anyone know how i can get myself to stop cutting and doing stuff like this? And i know this is probably the wrong thread for this but if anyone can help with some advice on closure id appreciate it.:unsure:
     
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    What your explaining is pretty normal for a selfharmer. Have you saught professional help? doctor etc? I think you should seek help, it sounds liek you have problems with coping skills, like many of us do
    :hug:
    Welcome to the site
     
  3. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I think in order to figure out how to stop effectively, you need to come to terms with why you self harm, and how it helps you. People self harm for different reasons, but from what you're saying I think we're pretty similar. For me, when emotions get overwhelming (particularly the anger and sadness you mentioned, but also fear is a big one for me) I self harm because the physical pain takes my mind off of the emotional pain. Essentially, when I'm feeling an emotion I don't want to feel, cutting makes it stop.

    If you think you do it for similar reasons, than its probably an avoidance tactic because you feel you are unable to stand the emotional pain. I think being self-aware in that way can help a lot. In addition, its important to remember that you can't just stop a behavior - you have to replace it with something else. If you are using self harm as a way to avoid emotional distress, you're going to have to think of something that will help you manage your emotional distress that has less consequences. Short-term ideas I've heard of include things like snapping a rubber band across your wrist or squeezing an ice cube. I think those are good when you're first starting to stop self harm or in a crisis, but ultimately, you're still doing something that hurts to avoid emotional pain. For me, things like acknowledging the emotion (saying to myself, "I am angry") and validating that it's okay I'm feeling that way goes a long way. Also, sometimes deciding that yes, you are feeling anger/sadness/fear right now, but you are going to do something else (something active - either physically or mentally, such as sudokus/running/etc) for awhile and then revisit whatever is making you upset when you feel a little better. Also, I think just believing that you are strong and will be able to get through whatever it is you are going through can really help. Yes, you are in pain. Yes, it is okay to be feelign the pain you are in. But you won't feel this way forever, and you are strong enough to endure the pain for this finite time.

    I don't know.. honestly it's a lot of work. I feel like sometimes self harm is the tip of an iceberg, when under the surface there is a whole pattern of maladaptive thinking that needs to be addressed. I'm sorry, I know that's not a really positive thing to say, but if you don't stop self harming right away I don't want you to feel angry/guilty about it. It's a big project you're going to have to work on. Do you have a therapist? *hugs*

    Sorry I basically wrote a book lol. I've been cutting on and off since I was 8 (I'm 23 now lol), so I've had a lot of therapy about it if you want to talk more.

    Good luck. Remember - you are a strong person & you can stand the emotional pain you are going through.
     
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