Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rosiejones88, Feb 7, 2011.

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  1. rosiejones88

    rosiejones88 New Member

    I have just been looking on the internet for any kind of advice/help I can get.

    My mum has been depressed for some time now, and is feeling suicidal. I am so at a loss on how to help her. I live one my own with her, my brother lives 3 hours away, and we don't have any other family. Her boyfriend is going out of his mind with worry, and between us, we just don't seem able to help her. She's been on anti-depressants, which don't seem to work. I know depression doesn't just go away over night.

    She initally thought about suicide when I was about ten years old. Now I am 22. Her boyfriend found a suicide letter that she had written a while back, but she had not killed herself. It was horrific to read, and the main points of it were things like "You get the car when I go, and if it's not good enough for you, change it." I feel like the whole thing is aimed towards me, and her boyfriend has said she thinks I don't want to talk to her, and that because I'm an adult, I don't need her anymore. I have nobody to talk to about it, and keep bursting into tears and being so upset. I just don't know where to start...
  2. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    Don't really know what the best way to help is myself.

    If she isn't taking therapy at a psychiatrist or something then that could help her a bit.Maybe there's a reason why she's depressed ?

    Anyway you can't blame yourself for how she feels.All you can do is try to give her some support.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to keep a close eye on her and if her mood changes then you need to talk her into going to the ER.. Ask to speak to someone in mental health..Is she in therapy or does she see a shrink?? All you can do is keep talking to her.. You said it seems to be directed at you.. Thats because you live with her and are available to be the scapegoat..Try and get her to see a therapist..It takes time for the therapist to get to know her but in the long road they do help..
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Your mother is lucky that she has a caring daughter, and I know its hard for you. No wonder you keep bursting into tears - but this is a good thing - its a warning from your emotions that something has to be done.

    I'm not sure how you are with your mum - I mean have you ever broached the subject and had any heart to heart conversation? Maybe your mum needs reassurance that you will not abandon her. Its hard I know honey, but depression is like that - it can make you think that nobody cares.

    As your so young, its going to be a strain on you - and no way should be expected to handle this on your own. If your mum had any other illness I'm sure you'd cope admirably. That said, depression CAN get better and hopefully we'll point you towards some kind of answers.

    I'm not sure if you are in the USA or UK so advice in practical terms will have to wait until we determine what nation you are in.

    Maybe your brother ought to do more. Sure he is living 3 hours away - not sure if he has any kids himself but if so then how often do they visit? I'd expect them to stay the weekend and so on.

    At the least, he ought to pop down at least once a week. Its not like its a 3 hours walk through the desert. As the only son he has a duty there. He can also phone up in the week to check up.

    Maybe you should just make your mum a nice card - try to write in a few short lines, how much she means to you. Pick a few wild flowers if there are enough of them around. Her fear (one of them) is likely going to be that you'll meet some man and eventually leave her. That might be far from your thoughts right now - but try to let her know that she will always be a priority. Reassure her you'll never abandon her.

    Anti depression medicines are one thing - but hope is the biggest thing. Many mums do hit a depression which is in part about the lifestyle, the way they live. Her boyfriend can help and he sounds like a decent man so that's a good thing. That said neither he or you are trained to counsel people with depression and even if you were perhaps the closeness would not be conducive for the good of your mum.

    Counselling might well be a great help for her. Not sure if she has ever been through that or if she has merely been handed anti-depression tablets as a matter of course. Maybe the tablets she is on are not working and she needs to try others.

    One thing you have to bear in mind is that your mums pain has nothing to do with you. you are not the cause. If your mum came back from the shops with a broken collar bone you would not feel guilty about it would you? Why then should you feel guilty about an illness which your mum has battled with for at least 10 years?

    All I can say is Thank God she has you for a daughter. Your the one who has stayed and looked after her. You are the one crying for her pain and searching here for answers.

    I hope the advice offered by all can leave you feeling a little bit more sure about what to do next.

    My best wishes for you and your mum at this difficult time.

    You are doing a GREAT job but just need a little support.
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