I'm sorry...I've been trying to get myself sorted instead I ended up worse, my ex never did leave me alone so i moved again, but he's like an addiction, i deserve to be hurt, he hurts me, its the only time i feel anything other then numb. I'm a heroin addict and alcoholic. I've had to move again to escape my ex, to escape the past, the addictions..but now I have no support, I don't know anyone in the area I've moved to. I sit in doors curtains shuts, my mood is getting lower, i've been saving tablets, life is dark. Financially i'm messed up, emotionally i'm already gone, mentally I never sood a chance. I'm struggling to find a reason not to die. Everyone in the world appears to be pregnant or having children..I won't ever have that as my baby I aborted when I was 14, I didn't want too, I had no choice. the man who was hurting me got me pregnant, beat me up and then arranged for the abortion, and instead of saying no, I went along with him. I killed my baby..and I want nothing more then to be reunited with the baby I killed and ask for forgiveness, I can't do that here on earth can I. I'm struggling not to bang up and od. I'm sorry. I'm very very lost, I have no reason to be here. I won't ever be happy, not here on earth. I want to die.