I'm 15 years old. Almost 4 months ago now I overdosed, trying to kill myself. I ended up in hospital. I've been self harming for over a year and a half. I've had an eating disorder for almost a year. Although have I? My boyfriend got worried and made me promise to go to the doctors. I did for him. Turns out I have an eating disorder although I still can't quite believe it. My mum was informed and she says it's not a problem just good self control when it comes to eating. I believe her. I guess. My boyfriend got annoyed with me for not believing her. I hate hurting him so much. I hate it, but I don't know what he expects me to do. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so horrible and worthless. Like I just hurt everyone and I've got to the point where I just want to die again. My only fear is survivng again. Surviving and finding that my boyfriend is gone. He suffers from depression and PTSD and has attempted suicide seriously several times before. It scares me that i'm just going to lose him. I couldn't deal with that and I don't want to bother staying in this world if that's all i'm staying for. I feel like such a liar and a fake. Saying I have an eating disorder if I don't. I don't know what to think and feel anymore. I've tried so hard to keep going the last months. I've tried so hard to, but it's all coming down again. I'm literally so close to doing it again.