Help

[Lexicon]

I've lost my family. They hate me, they don't want to know me any more. I can't think and I can't breathe any more. I don't know what to do. Please somebody talk to me, please give me one good reason why I should stay because I don't want to keep on going through this, again and again, I want to be dead. They are the only thing that mean anything, and I think I lost them a while ago, but today was it, I lost the last of my family's trust and love, and I can't think.

I have things to live for and I know that, and I know people would probably miss me, but fuck it I'm tired of living for other people when most of them don't want to know. Some do, I know, but I don't want to keep on going through this again and again. I hate feeling this way and I always do, so somebody give me some reason that isn't "things will get better" or "people will miss you" or whatever. I think the only reason I'm even here to write is that I know it's chicken shitish to run away.

I really want to be dead. Please help me.

 

[total eclipse]

You stay here for You hun the family will come around again it is true family just don't understand they don't but they will always care right now it seem they don't but they do hun hugs to you

 

[Lexicon]

But I hate me. I don't want to stay for me.
Thank you so much for replying, means the world <3

 

[total eclipse]

I hate me too so much but i think that hate is more pain hun inside us You are a good person you donot deserve such hatred okay. You deserve understanding and compassion and i hope one day your family can see their way to understand you and your suffering Hold on okay i know you don't believe it right now but new doors do open they do and they bring new hope for healing hugs

 

[Lexicon]

I am not a good person. Today illustrated that. I hope I can see soon, that things are ok, it feels impossible. I don't know what to do. Thank you.

 

[total eclipse]

you hold on to the ones that do care okay they will be your anchor until that new door opens we always see ourselves as less then we are I have seen your post here they show kindness and compassion hun holdon okay for the ones that do understand and care so much abt you.

 

[windlepoons]

The actions that you hate yourself for, did you want to do them? Or were you driven by fear/anxiety/insecurity etc?

Don't mistake who you are for how you act due to the above feelings.

 

[Lexicon]

Thank you both. Total eclipse - I swear you've answered everything I've ever posted. I cannot express my gratitude, you've been amazing ever since I joined this site. I wish I could believe you - all I can promise is that I will try.

Windlepoons (great name btw!) - I was driven by being being too scared to ask for help, and therefore doing some very stupid things to try and get myself out of a position I thought I'd be trapped in forever. I didn't want to, but I was so scared of what they'd say. They don't like me much. I have no doubt that they "love" me, but they don't like me as a person, they've essentially said as much.

I am my feelings, they are a part of me - some people would have responded differently, woud have been brave enough to ask for help, wouldn't have done stupid things, would have thought more and done more. I didn't. So where does that leave me?