help

[xliberty]

oh my god where do i start today has been one of them days where i just cant see the point in carrying on i really dont know how much i can actually cope with any more i just feel like screaming at the top of my voice just to see if anybody would hear me but i know there would be no point as its always me who runs around after my friends where are they when im in a time of need i feel so low and lonely and i cant see any way forward. i have been shouting at the kids all day today every little thing they have done has just pushed the wrong buttons and now i feel like such a bad mother as iv taken it out on them as im feeling so stressed and they are only young so they dont realise that certain things they are doing trigger me.
the kids are finally all asleep and now i cant stop myself from crying as iv got these stupid suicidal thoughts haunting me and my normal self arguing thats its the wrong thing to do and my kids need me but my stupid suicidal half is telling me they will be better off without me and to just get it over and done with OMG please help me out of this mess

 

[poisonedresistance]

hiya xliberty

it sounds like you said ,, one of those days,,,,,,, kids are off school and driving you nuts,,, but it isnt always like that. They love you very much and they do need you, you are their mum. there isnt another soul on this earth who could love them as much as you do.
Ive got three myself, and there has been some rough times, ive made mistakes, sure I have tonnes of them, shouted at them when ive just had enough, even just over silly things,,,,,,
i usually chill out in the night time and think about it, then plan something for the following day, something they can do, maybe go for a picnic if its nice weather, or gt some paints and crayons out for them and join in,,, sod the bloody housework it can wait for a day.
maybe do some baking with them,, my eldest is 13 but he still loves to make cookies!

I hope you start feeling better soon,, you can pm me anytime x amy

 

[absolution]

I agree with Abjure, It's just one of those days. It will pass hun. Please don't hurt yourself. Those kids need you and love you more than anything else. Suicidal thoughts are awful and can consume you but just think of those little faces and how much they need you.

If you need someone to talk to one on one feel free to PM me anytime. I'm a pretty good listener. <3

 

[xliberty]

thanks for your replies they really do help just to have someone who understands ya, today has not been any better if anything its been alot worse these stupid thoughts are still constantly going round my head telling me that id be better off in the other world all i keep thinking about is my ex husband and how i wished he had pulled that xxxx to my head or even when he mmissed and went through the door why could he not of put me out of my misery before its gotten to this point then least i wouldnt be going through all of this its all his fault that im all over the place and 2 years after fleeing him hes still controlling my life making me run hundreds of miles away from all my support my family and friends just to be safe is this how my life is meant to be what have i done so wrong in my past lives to have to go through this now i really do not think i can cope any more the only people i live for are my 4 children but with them seeing me on such a downer i think they might be better of with someone with out mental health issues who can be there fully for them 24/7 as i really dont have the energy or strenght left in my stupid body to fight for my childrens saftey and this is there main need
sorry to ramble just needed to get it out xx