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I feel sick just being in my own skin I ruin people's lives and I don't even mean to I don't mean to hurt people but I do cos I don't think they care I ruin anything that is good in my life and people are better off without me I make people so angry and I fail them as a person I really didn't think i was doing anything wrong I've looked up how to end it but I'm scared of the pain the x I have might not work and not finish the job I'm even failing at this


Staff Alumni
Hi Lost and welcome...I am sure that here you will find people who understand the difficulties living in the RL, feeling as you do...what you feel comfortable, please tell us what is going on for you...and I am so glad you decided to post...welcome again, J
I mess up the lives of the people around me and I feel so unloveable. My whole life feels like a big inconvenience and I am a burden to people. I crave love and stability but have never found it and cannot figure out what is wrong with me that makes me feel this way. I have been attacked, stalked and emotionally blackmailed in a previous relationship and now I have just ruined one where I should have trie harder to make it work. My head feels so full of pain and guilt and I can't bear to be around myself. I want the relief of not having to face the world but I am scared of the pain. I have been on medication for the last three years, tried different ones and am now on a max dose where it still leaves me feeling like this. I have asked my dr to change but she wants to persist. I had cbt but didn't find it helpful. I had counselling but found it more damaging
hey, I'm sorry your feeling like this. I'm pretty sure that you're the only one who thinks that you mess up peoples' lives etc because people who actually do that don't realise that there's anything wrong. You said that you were scared of the pain of dying, maybe you could try to use that to remove taking your own life as an option. I know it's difficult and it feels so easy to give in to suicide (believe me, I'm struggling with the same thing) but you have to understand that this isn't your fault and you can overcome this mindset. And if your doctor won't listen to you, find one who will.


Staff Alumni
Greetings, Lost86. :hug: Welcome to the forums. :)

P.S. I think you have the right to refuse medicine from your doctor; at least, that's how it is like in the state I live in (I'm from the USA). She/he can't force you to take a certain medicine.


Well-Known Member
My doctor was all for me making MY mind up re meds. He said he had seen some success but also seen them make matters worse. For me - a low dose was not working but having no side effects - we upped it - I took it for a couple of months but no way was I feeling better - in fact - I got FAR worse - like the meds made me depressed - lol - which is hardly fun.

I went through a few docs - and stuck with one who listened - one guy - I felt like actually forcing him to eat the meds - he was ignorant - dismissed side effects - he was lucky really - but if he keeps up that attitude someone will go for him!

Counselling - should at worse - just not be for you. Nobody should walk away feeling worse!!

Maybe the counsellor dug up too much too fast - or acted like it was just a payday or something?

Things seem bad now but you got to consider that life has its peaks and its valleys - right now your in the valley - but we have times like that regardless.

Sorry you been treated badly also - but if he or she is in the past - well - these things happen - and we have a legal process you can use. I know its hard with emotional blackmail - but the thing to remember is that we live and learn.

No other creep is going to try it on - just hold that thought.

Everyone wants love and some stability - but don't let it become the be all and end all - relationships are great - but you got to try and better yourself also - be someone - not just reliant on a man or woman which makes you vulnerable IF they turn out to be mean.

You got any work or study you though of?

Sure - get a new doc first - get the dose lowered maybe taper off as three years is a long time - and if these meds do not work then don't be fobbed off by someone not using them - some clueless doc who think med school makes him a kind of God!


They are human - make mistakes - and assholes become doctors for sure!

So avoid them ones.

But obviously - don't choose a doc just because he or she is nice. They need to know their stuff - and ANY doc ought to know a lot about depression.

Rule number one - is believe the patients!

good luck and regards.

Well done also as you got some strength for taking this - and need to just accept that you got to try other things - lots of other ways to fight depression and low self esteem.
Thank you all for your messages you are bringing me so much comfort right now. Knowing that someone, anyone cares is helping me and I feel confident that I can make it through the night. I have work tomorrow and am dreading it and feel the pressure to hold it together. If I could take time off I would but the nature of the job means it's hard to get time off at short notice. I want to go to the dr again but not sure that they get it, like when people say they are depressed but they don't know the true meaning of wishing you had passed in the night.
Do u have suggestions of what I can do at work or what happens when I get another knock as I feel so close to the edge that the tiniest thing will push me over.

Thank you all again you have no idea how much your words are helping me


Well-Known Member
Hi Lost86
I am glad you came here and hope you are feeling a bit better
I'm here too if you need to chat.
I don't know what to suggest about work. If it gets to be too much
I hope you can just take some time off.
If something happens that feels like too much just remember to breathe and put it in it's proper place.
Do what you have to do to get through your day at work.
Try not to overthink it. That's what I do...I overthink things. At least for that moment just compartmentalize it and
think later if you must at all.
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