Help?!! :/

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by weirdal, Sep 4, 2011.

  1. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    Hi there and my names Alex. About a year ago I met a girl who changed the way i view on my life. I got to know her really well, and we spent a lot of time together, had great laughs, and if i'm honest, it's the happiest i've felt in a long time.

    Things were going really well in my eyes, and before i went on holiday I asked her if I could take her to dinner when i was back. We agreed, and said goodbyes until I was back. Long story short, and this isn't what this thread is about, but when I returned home things just weren't the same. I don't want to go into exact details, but we argued, her ex started seeing her again, and I went back to my unhappy ways. Over the last few months we have managed to keep in touch, but the whole thing with her haunts me inside. there are certain songs we used to listen to together, and when I hear them now it makes me feel strange and upset.

    Anyway, enough side tracking. About a month ago on a night out in town I bumped into her. We ended up having a fight, and she started slapping me profusely. I called her some horrible names, slut, slag etc ( she has a reputation ) and subsequently made her burst into tears across the street.

    Although I am not a cocky guy by any means, alongside with many men, I often think I'm right when in fact I'm actually in the wrong. I don't usually get tied down to thinking about how I make other people feel, but this night was different. When I got home that night, I realized that I had made a poor innocent girl cry. I had made someone that i care so much about, and feel so strongly for burst into tears. I later find out from her and her friends that the incident made her upset for days to come.

    Like I said, I don't usually feel bad for my actions, because i like to think there are very few times where I do upset people. this time though, is the first time I have ever felt guilt. Pure guilt for my actions.

    I didn't know what to do, I knew i had to apologize, but I wasn't sure how to do it correctly, so that she could be sure how sorry I actually was. Anyway, I bumped into her at a festival about a week ago now. She asked if we could have a private chat and we did. It was really nice, we got everything out in the air, I told her exactly how I felt for her, and how sorry I really was. We had a great night just chatting, and I thought everything was better.

    I get home, and decide to re add her on facebook am blackberry messanger ( she or her bf deleted me after the fight in town) but no reply. I'm not that fussed about being friends on facebook, or on blackberry messanger, but I know that she hasn't accepted me, and that's obviously for a reason.

    I want to apologize like a gentleman, I want her to know exactly how much i mean it when i say it, but how do i do it if shes ignoring me? I don't want to annoy her boyfriend - that's just unnecessary bother. Should I ring her? Or is that too awkward if shes ignoring my texts? Should I wait until next time I see her? Or message her on facebook asking whats going on? I'm pretty sure it's her boyfriends telling her not to accept me or to ignore me etc, but I understand she must have her reasons as well. I just don't know what to do.

    All I want her to know, is that I know I hurt someone who I care so much about, and I've never felt so guilty in my life, and I want to to everything I can so that she knows this, even if she doesn't forgive me. Any ideas?

    Thanks a lot for reading, sorry if it went on for too long!

  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I don't have any ideas, but I hope others who read this do! It seems like you already did almost all you could last week face-to-face that night when you both had a private chat, as you said you told her how sorry you were, how much you cared for her, etc. :hug: I dislike feeling guilty too; I feel for you.

    By the way, it's nice to meet you! My name's Alex too! :shake: Take care....Mr. A
  3. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    Thanks Alex, I hope I can work out what to do! Guilt has got to be the worst feeling I've ever felt! Never thought I'd experience it badly!

    Nice to meet you to!

  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, weirdal. I agree with Mr. Alex - you've done about as much as you can to apologize face-to-face. It seems you had a good time with each other that night, so she's likely accepted that you're truly sorry.

    I wonder if some of the guilt you're feeling is also "yearning" for the times you used to spend with her - when she was without the bf? The hard truth is that she does have a bf atm. And that may be why she's "rejected" you on FB.

    If you really just want to be "friends" with her, then you are again on "friendly" speaking terms when you see each other. Maybe you'll run into each other again, and you can say, "Hey, would love to add you to FB? Would that be OK?" And try again at that point.

    In the meantime, if you are looking for friends and a girlfriend, try to get involved in things that will get you out there with people. :) :hug:
  5. *kyle*

    *kyle* Well-Known Member

    hay man, yeh yeh i know being ignored is the worst, happening to me right now actually. anyway man i have an idea, if theres anything you need to say to her and get out there just send her a message. dont expect a reply or anything, just get it off ur chest and forget it. she will read it and thats really what you want right? for her to know?
    atleast you will have rolled your dice.