Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by philipdavies, Sep 21, 2011.

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  1. philipdavies

    philipdavies New Member

    I hope someone can help. I fell in love with a prostitute 6 months ago. I felt it was real and am still in contact with her. I am married with 2 children. The guilt I have been through has caused a car crash when over the drink drive limit. 2 year ban. I has cost me two attempts on my life , I have been lucky enought to have very good businesses and property. When arguing with my father and wife about this I tried to climb out of a window. 48 fractures 3 months ago and I am a long way from recovery. I signed everything to my wife - £8-10million of property and have just finished the sale of the business. This was to rid myself of the guilt.

    I am still hugely in love with Laura but I feel I am being used. Yes I know I am stupid but we do have a huge bond. I am still living with my wife - she knows most things and have the means to move away and build a new business with knowing that she is financially secure.

    Everyday I have more suicidal feelings , I have been for professional help - forced to a degree because of attempts on life but I just "lie" to get out of there.

    I know it seems a bit unbeliveable but it is 100% true - this is the first forum I have ever posted on but do not know where to turn now. It was that close to ending it today and I really want to get a life back somehow. The third attempt would not be a cry for help.

    I cannot face my wife and children and have fallen out of love totally with her. She is a good person and I am in the wrong totally. Perhaps someone can help here?

    Thank you
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I don't know how to help, Philip. Boy, I wish I did. Especially with guilt. I hate feeling guilty so much. Welcome to SF, though. I hope you enjoy your time on here.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your dilemma phillip...
    i suggest going back to the professional help and telling them your true feelings so they know how to help you
    hold onto the part of you that wants to live and don't give up
  4. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    Welcome to the forum.. I'm glad that you found us and felt able to post about what's going on for you. It sounds really difficult for you and the guilt is literally killing you.. I too wish I knew what could help you. I wonder whether what's also adding to your feelings is that you are still in contact with Laura, are in love with her.. but maybe on one level know there's no future with her? (I'm assuming here so sorry if that's totally off the mark).

    Can I ask how things are between you and your wife? I hear you're really trying to look out for her financially and she knows about most of what's going on for you.. is she supportive?

    And can I also ask why you don't feel able to be truthful with the professionals? I just wonder whether being honest with them and taking some of the help they are offering could help you work through these feelings of despair.

    Sorry I'm not able to help really but hope that you will continue writing here if it helps you to share with us how you're doing.. you're not alone

  5. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    Hello philip,
    I know things seems impossible right now, I also understand feeling guilty. I recently made a huge mistake myself, I cheated on my husband, though I don't remember it, and I ended up pregnant. The guilt and depression, with nightmares that kept me up all night for weeks lead me to have an abortion.
    Now I've gotten to the point that I cant even look at myself in the mirror, II cant lay down next to my husband and I dont want to get out of bed in the mornings.
    But you came here, you took the first step and that's something to be proud of. There are other websites like this where you can chat live with people going through things like this, and things even worse and they are a great tool for finding some relief.
    No one is coming on these sites to judge you, so you can be totally open and soon you will get to the point that you will be able to talk to the professionals like you talk to us strangers.
    Keep coming here, keep talking and expressing your feelings, and go to the other sites as well. The more you talk to people like us, the closer you will get to being able to talk to the theropyst.
    Try this chat for immediate conversation; and keep posting here. Talking is the best thing to do to start. Good luck!
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