I'm sorry. I'm probably wasting your time. I don't feel like I deserve to be on here. I've taken several tests, all of which say I'm at great risk of depression or have extreme depression. But honestly... I try to think about what I have to be depressed about and it's just... I mean... I'm a lesbian. Everything's changing. Uhm... when I think about what caused my depression the things I think of are things that are part of the depression itself. Like how nothing is fun anymore that used to be. Very few things that I like now did I like before I started recognizing my depression. I can't stand to be around anyone. I don't have crushes anymore because I'm too busy sitting there thinking about how crappy I feel to notice anyone I could possibly like. I don't pay as much attention in class... and my grades are suffering. I think about suicide every night. I've recently started inflicting pain on myself. It helps. Not cutting yet, just like I get a pencil or a skewer and drag it along my skin hard so it leaves a mark and burns a little. I've read things about why not to kill or hurt myself but... it doesn't help. I hate feeling this way. Either it's going or I am, and honestly I'm just too tired and scared and surrounded by people to really attempt suicide. But I don't know how I'm supposed to get help. Are there anti-depressants for 13 year olds? How would my family react if they found out what I've been thinking about? I've started having mental breakdowns a lot. Something sets me off and I just need to break something and I don't have anything to break. I think I need a life supply of wooden pencils to snap in half. I'm snapping at people, too. I regret it afterwards... and I feel like a terrible person. But it just comes out. This has never been a problem before. A few months ago I had no first-hand experience with not being able to control myself or breakdowns or anything. I barely knew what it meant. But now... it's like it's a part of me. And I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any tips for me... ways I could possibly get my parents to get me therapy? Proper therapy, therapy that would actually help me. Therapy with a psychologist, someone who could tell me if I really have depression or if I'm just a hopeless wannabe. But I am hopeless. I feel as if there's a dementor just floating beside me all the time... and I don't have the strength for a patronus. Please help. Please. Even though I know I'm a waste of time. I don't deserve you reading this. But if you are, reading this far, thank you. At least someone cares.