...help.

[briecynic77]

I'm sorry.
I'm probably wasting your time.
I don't feel like I deserve to be on here.
I've taken several tests, all of which say I'm at great risk of depression or have extreme depression.
But honestly... I try to think about what I have to be depressed about and it's just... I mean... I'm a lesbian. Everything's changing. Uhm... when I think about what caused my depression the things I think of are things that are part of the depression itself. Like how nothing is fun anymore that used to be. Very few things that I like now did I like before I started recognizing my depression. I can't stand to be around anyone. I don't have crushes anymore because I'm too busy sitting there thinking about how crappy I feel to notice anyone I could possibly like. I don't pay as much attention in class... and my grades are suffering. I think about suicide every night. I've recently started inflicting pain on myself. It helps. Not cutting yet, just like I get a pencil or a skewer and drag it along my skin hard so it leaves a mark and burns a little.
I've read things about why not to kill or hurt myself but... it doesn't help.
I hate feeling this way. Either it's going or I am, and honestly I'm just too tired and scared and surrounded by people to really attempt suicide. But I don't know how I'm supposed to get help. Are there anti-depressants for 13 year olds? How would my family react if they found out what I've been thinking about? I've started having mental breakdowns a lot. Something sets me off and I just need to break something and I don't have anything to break. I think I need a life supply of wooden pencils to snap in half. I'm snapping at people, too. I regret it afterwards... and I feel like a terrible person. But it just comes out.
This has never been a problem before. A few months ago I had no first-hand experience with not being able to control myself or breakdowns or anything. I barely knew what it meant. But now... it's like it's a part of me. And I don't know what to do.
Does anyone have any tips for me... ways I could possibly get my parents to get me therapy? Proper therapy, therapy that would actually help me. Therapy with a psychologist, someone who could tell me if I really have depression or if I'm just a hopeless wannabe.
But I am hopeless. I feel as if there's a dementor just floating beside me all the time... and I don't have the strength for a patronus.
Please help.
Please.
Even though I know I'm a waste of time. I don't deserve you reading this.
But if you are, reading this far, thank you. At least someone cares.

 

[redluvher]

You're not a waste of time... at least i didn't feel like i was wasting my time. i hope u start to feel better soon.

 

[Tea_at_Four]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Yes, there are anti-depressants for teens, but they have to be prescribed and monitored closely. Talking to your parents about how you are feeling is a good place to start, and if you are not sure about speaking to them, you could write a letter for them to read and then discuss with you. Your post here explains very well what is going on with you, and I hope you can get the help you need to work through it.

 

[TheOncomingStorm]

There are anti-depressants for teens as Tea At Four stated, and there is also many types of therapy that you can have..Where abouts in the world are you? As people may be able to give more advice to your country - Like i'm a teen from the UK so i really only know about the treatment available here. If you want to talk, you can always send me a PM. :hug:

 

[briecynic77]

I'm in the US, in the Pacific Northwest. If that helps at all. But I'm getting a counselor (possibly... it's still kind of up in the air), so... hopefully... that'll help.