Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by RichardJudge, Nov 25, 2011.

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  1. RichardJudge

    RichardJudge New Member

    3 years ago I met the woman of my dreams, I took her for granted all the time and generally treated her like shit, at first, because she seemed to love me so much (doesn't make sense I know), We worked through it, had a lovely flat, I had a great job, She enjoyed hers, We never worried about money or anything and we were finally happy when I realised how much she means to me. I got made redundant Nov 2010 and have struggled to find a job in all that time, and we have struggled financially, were made homeless until a friend took us in 'least we have each other' were her words almost everyday. She left me last Wednesday, She saw emails from the very beginning of our relationship where I was saying to my Ex 'I think im still in love with you'. I am not after sympathy for any of this but it hurts so much that she has gone, I cant stand it, I want to die so I stop begging her for another chance and seeing her life moving on so fast. I really cant deal with this pain or life without her, I dont want to sleep because its lonely, I dont want to wake up because she isnt there, I havnt eaten in over a week, I cant stop crying or clawing at my self.

    I just want it all to end!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Loss can be so hard hun but you can stay strong you WILL meet someone else hun as you met her . Please get some therapy if you can so you can move forward pass all this pain okay hugs
  3. RichardJudge

    RichardJudge New Member

    I dont want anyone else though, I have had several long term relationships and I have never felt like this.
  4. Crashland

    Crashland Well-Known Member

    Hi Richard,

    it might not be popular what I have to say but it is of my best intention. In a similar situation I felt as if the person that left me had died- yet they were alive and happy with someone else.
    What I'm trying to say is that it is very much like mourning but perhaps even worse. So it has to hurt.

    Perhaps, try to let it hurt. Do forgive me, I'm not suggesting anything crazy at all, no grovelling in pain for the sake of it. I'm just saying it has to hurt, it will, so perhaps accepting it is a sensible choice.

    You said you don't want anyone else. Of course not. You love her. I think the pain you are experiencing now will perhaps carve you as a unique sculpture. It will add depth to you.

    I know there is no possibility of offering any true comfort in such situation but I believe that things happen for a reason and you are looked after.

    Take care of yourself,

  5. Brandt

    Brandt Well-Known Member

    Talk to her and explain that it was years ago and you no longer have those feelings for the other woman, let her know how much she means to you. Go out of your way to let her know how much you love her.
  6. alixer

    alixer Active Member

    If you do decide to talk to her try not to overwhelm her with your emotions. Take it from experience, women don't like to see their men too weak.
  7. RichardJudge

    RichardJudge New Member

    I have tried talking to her, she is no longer in love with me, Thats it im done.

    Thank you all for your time.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I sm so very sorry this is happening. Please do not give up on her quite yet. I am not suggesting being creepy or anything. Just let her know that you love her enough that you are not ready to just give up on the relationship just yet. Sometimes when people say they no longer love someone, things can change. Most important, when relationships are over sometimes we have lost, what
    i call, pieces of ourselves. These pieces can be reclaimed. Would it be possible for you to get into counselling??? Again. I am so sorry that you are in so much pain right now. Please know that sometimes when things fall apart, they can come back together again in a way that is stronger than ever. Not meaning to sound trite by saying this. Because where you are right now is so very painful.
  9. RichardJudge

    RichardJudge New Member

    I have to give up though, She dosn't love me any more, I have done nothing but fought for her since she left, I now have no fight left, no anything infact. I have no money, no self esteem, She was my best friend.
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Richard, I am sorry that you are in this horrible pain, and situation. I understand the "no money and no self esteem". Can you figure out a way to get counselling? Sounds like you deserve some really great irl support, as well as of course continuing to come here. Even if you cannot find the irl counselling, at least you have found your way to sf. And thats really good.
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