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I’m going to say this really bluntly because I don’t really know how to explain it any other way.
My daddy and his friends mentally sexually and physically abused me my whole life. He has been gone for four years now. I haven’t seen him or heard from him. I live with my friend in a small apartment. I have no contact with any of my family whatsoever… my problem is that I’ve have had nightmares every night for the past two weeks and woken up shaking and crying. I can’t remember the dreams but I know they are about my dad and the things he use to do to me. I can’t sleep because I’m scared I’ll have more nightmares, and when I eat I’ve been feeling queezy and often throwing up because what happened has been on my mind constantly. I keep having showers because i feel dirty and disgusting.. I can’t concentrate on anything or relax. I don’t have enough money to get professional help. I’m really shaken up and upset :cry: I though I was over it. i dont know what to do.. please help. :(
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Staff Alumni
hi :)
I can understand how difficult it is for you, I guess you hoped everything just was erased as you don't see him anymore. Unfortunatelly it doesn't go like that, and yeah,it's common that those traumatic events come back in your sleep, even when you thought they weren't bothering you no more.
I am sorry you can't afford professional help, I wander if there's nothing to do about that because that's what you really need. Maybe you can make some kind of a deal, or something with insurance....I don't know, but I really think that is what it really could help you, because if you 're affraid of go to sleep or have bad night sleeps you going to end up in a circle, exhausted physically and mentally.
For the time beeing, maybe you can try to keep telling yourself he can't hurt you anymore, he has no control of you anymore YOU are in control now and you aren't going to let him haunt your life, and talk, maybe with your friend, someone whom you can tell anything, I'm sure it's painfull and difficult, but you might need to get very deep on what happened to you in order to close it.You deserve to be happy, for sure after what you have been through. I hope I'm making any sense, and still, all I probably can do is nothing compared to what a counselor could do, I think you're having post traumatic syndrom, though, again, I'm in no way a professional, just someone who experienced a mental abusive father and that was allready hard to deal with, and it sure took some time to get over it.
I hope things will get better soon, I know time helps but it might be not enough. You are welcome here to pour yuor heart out, if you feel like talk about things more just feel free to post,or pm me, someone else here... I am sure you will never be judged , but allways get support and understanding
Take good care,
What you are experiencing is something that is very difficult to go through alone. Find a trusted friend an share with them. talking things out can sometimes be helpful. As was stated by helena, it is not uncommon for these things to come back via your dreams at night. i know mine have, and they are not easy to deal with. Check into see if there are any health programs available for those with limited resources. There are techniques for dealing with the nightmares, but you need help in finding which will work best for you. Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk hun. Take care. :hug:


Staff Alumni
i am really sorry to hear you r going through this.. it seems that now that you feel "safe" your mind is starting to deal with the trauma.. it is very common to beging to suffer the stress of a trauma once you no longer need to use your energies to survive and or figure out how to escape them... seeing someone would really help.. pleas do something before you eating and sleeping is so thrown off that you develop additional issues which can linger long after the trauma is resolved...
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