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Antiquitie's Friend
The worst thing about this season is watching other families go shopping, kids who laugh and run around... thinking "that could be my family", and knowing it never will. Knowing I'll never buy another gift for my kids, kiss my husband under some mistletoe... feel the happiness that I once knew. I can't even go to the store, it hurts so much watching them.

While everyone else is planning parties, get togethers, family celebrations... I'm planning a way of leaving. I want out... out of this pain I'm feeling, the lonliness, emptiness I feel inside. I feel so numb right now, I could do anything and it wouldn't faze me one bit.

So twisted inside, I don't know what to do... I just know what I need to do.

Sorry to be a bother... :sad:


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Not a bother Silent. Dreading Christmas myself and I can't even just take to my bed cos parents and son expect me to be jolly :mad: :sad:

Stay with us thru this difficult time, I'm sure there are more than a few members dreading the holidays and feeling especially lonely.:hug:


Staff Alumni
I have experienced what you have said for so many yrs that this yr I am planning good things so that it is different...I used to agonize over the family i did not have, passing lit windows of houses and crying for hours...going to stores hoping to be adopted...running away as young as 8 yrs old and wishing someone else would find me...but not this yr...this yr I AM DAMN DETERMINED to not grieve over what was not to be...why not make a list for yourself? something you can give yourself as a gift; someplace you can volunteer to make life better...you sound quite insightful...why not put that resource to use? and about your future...nothing is known for any of us, so why not focus on making the present more manageable??? just my thinking...and if you need a cyber buddy to be there for you during the Season to be merry (ugggh) please PM me...big hugs, JACKIE


I dislike the holidays for the same reason, not having family there to celebrate it with. Although in my case it’s my dad, mum and sister. I know I’m way younger than you but if you ever want to talk I’m here. :hug:
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