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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bonbon718, Jul 23, 2012.

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  1. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I cry for help on here because I have no one in real life to go to anymore. They've all grown tired of me.
    I came to the decision yesterday, that by Wednesday I'll no longer be alive. I have my ways, I just need to say goodbye.
    A tiny part of me is begging me to seek help, so here I am. For now.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you have come here then hun because that shows you that you do not want to leave you just want help and you can get that. You call crisis hun you go to hospital and talk to someone there The will get you the supports you need to stay safe ok until you feel stronger You keep talking here noone will grow tired of you here hun hugs
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You have been around her for a little bit now and hopefully it has been helpful in the past can be this time as well. I might also suggest the hardest part of getting help is sometimes asking for it. Friends and family that may not seem to care could well care very much but not know how best to express and decide to "give you space" at the wrong time. It is possible that you are truly isolated alone as well and I do not discount that fact. You can get help as easily as going to the emergency room or even just calling 911. If you just need somebody somewhere to talk to you can do that here, I will keep checking the thread, or feel free to PM me. It is very possible you have friends or people you feel comfortable with on here already as well- reach out to them. Sometimes when it seems your options are gone there may well be options left just it is difficult to see past the difficulties to see them clearly and a second set eyes can do that for you.

    Take Care and Be Safe
  4. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I have friends that have been through this with me before. They just don't seem to want to do it again. So I'm making it easy for everyone and just disappearing. I don't know what else to do.
  5. triedtoomanytimes

    triedtoomanytimes Well-Known Member

    A tiny part of you cries out for help.....not my place to tell you what to do, but I would reckon what's going on in your head is a bit like a schoolyard, where the bullies are bigger, and more of 'em than you. The bullies may be depression, or whatever thing is telling you to die, the tiny part is you.
    Hopefully you've got people on here to help fight those bullies, it's worth a try isn't it? taking small steps, making small plans, achieving things.....it must be worth a try first, mustn't it?
  6. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    The bullies are winning. I don't feel like there's anyone on my side to defend me. I'm not strong enough to stand up anymore.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    we will be your friends to help you through this ok never let the bullies win never
  8. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I need someone in real life who is there for me. Someone I can see, hear, touch. None of my friends can be that for me anymore. I might as well give up. I think I might try calling a crisis number tonight.. at least I can hear a real voice, even if it is a stranger.
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have called crisis line to do just that h un to hear a real voice. I hope you do call and get a voice of caring and compassion and of hope hun hugs
  10. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    Well, Wednesday has come and almost gone.. and just like most other things I set out to do, I've failed at keeping my promise. Can't even kill myself on time. How much do I suck right now?!
    My ambition to do anything is gone.. I even stocked up on all my meds so I'd have a backup plan.. but I don't want to take so many pills right now. I'm just going to go to bed and see what happens tomorrow...
  11. hondaissace

    hondaissace Member

    I've been there . In oct 2011, when I put a knife on my wrist, and slashed, it did not cut, and I pussied out. After that I didn't think about suicide and came hairs breadth close to being on my way to become successful. but alas, due to external factors(not me), I lost by a whisker, and am back to my shittier than before life.But you know what? I am gonna hold on, because now I know that as I have almost done the impossible once, I can do it again. And though my life is still shit, I know it will be better. And yeah, I don't regret not killing myself that day.
  12. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I'm still teetering on the edge. This is a scary and dangerous place to be. I feel sometimes like the worst is over and I'll be okay. Other times it's like the slightest breeze will push me past the point of no return.
    Currently, I'm trying to think of ways to get myself fired from my job, so that I'll have a reason to do what I've been to much of a coward to do. All I need is that little push and I can do it. Is that bad?
  13. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I'm spending time with my friend group. I hate that I can feel so alone in the middle of a group of people who are supposed to be my closest friends. This makes me want to end it more than ever. I just feel so bad right now I can hardly stand it. I don't know what to do.
  14. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I understand how it is to feel alone in a group. But you're hanging on and that's good. Does your company have an EAP program? Many companies have this that offer 5 free sessions a year, which can be extended in some instances. Go to your human resources manager and let her know how you feel and if they can get you a therapist you can talk to. It would be better than getting yourself fired. You're not feeling well because you're sick, sweets, it's not your fault that your mind isn't functioning well, and people just don't understand. We also have many spiritual issues that just can't be resolved or will ever be resolved in this lifetime, so sometimes, we need to just let someone know those times we don't feel good. That problem with people is they don't understand. We're taught to not deal with anything negative, and that negative people is something they have to get rid of. However, when someone commits suicide people all want to hop on FB and post those stupid pictures about how people need to be there for someone before it's too late. Please!

    Anywho, don't beat yourself up and acknowledging how bad you feel is the first step to go through the darkness. It's not easy, but just take things a step at a time.

    Big hugs!
  15. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I've started saying my goodbyes, assuring people that whatever happens, it's not their fault. I don't know if that will make a difference, but I'm one step closer to the end.
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