This is fucking hell. I am falling apart and I don't know what to do anymore, please help me. Every time I think of my father I suddenly get a weird feeling in my mouth, then a wave of repulsion comes over me and I feel like I am going to vomit. I remember that first time I saw his flaccid, uncircumcised penis. Now all I see in my head is a ball of wrinkled up skin with white milky stuff at the end of it. The penis was long and hard and always near my mouth. I also see a hand guiding it. But that was all I saw because I had to immediately close my eyes; the thought of it being my father’s penis is beyond what I can describe to another human being. I am not even looking at him, my eyes are closed and then I feel this warm wet feeling. AFterwards he takes me naked and carries me and stands me in front of the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. He says you are so beautiful. I close my eyes ashamed of my naked body. He makes me look at myself, I hate myself and I am only 8 years old. He keeps saying, Why are you afraid your such a good girl. He keeps rubbing his dick, but I close my eyes and seems like long time but he finally takes me back to my room and puts my p.j's back on and tucks me in with a kiss on the cheek. I don't think I slept at all that night, I felt like I had literally gone crazy, I no longer felt like I knew what was real and what was a dream. I felt so lost, and I still feel that way. I feel so broken, and like I will never be able to be put back together again. I am just broken, garbage, permanently damaged, just disgusting. He's disgusting, and so am I.