helpp, pleaspe

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Menchi, Oct 2, 2009.

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  1. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    pleaes, i sanyone there, i kepe huuurting, i cant stop, i cant stop, my hea dwownt letme, ikeep triyng, itw ont stop[, its screaming at me,t elling me to keep going, cant sleep supiod nightmares wont stop being at me, so tired, i just dont knwo what to do, triyng to find something hsarp i can do more with, i bneed to it says.
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Menchi take a breath hun and slow down.
    Do not find anything sharp okay, just sit down and take a few deep breaths.
     
  3. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    i ahve to, they say, they keep sating it, when you hut a zombie,m you hurt nothing improtant, i haeve ot cut the pain away, nothing else workse, feels like my flesih is bad, i need to get rid of it, need to get rid of the stuff, ehy wont stop, i have tio, they keep saying ia htve to
     
  4. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Who is they? Are you hearing voices?
    Your flesh is not bad, don't listen to them. Put some headphones on and some loud music, something calm and drown them out okay.
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

  6. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    i cna feel it, its dark, its there, i can feel like its rottting, like its evil, i ned to get rid of it, i can feel it. i cnat block it out, they areinsdei, its like a weight there, i can feel itnot hear it, its just the weight of my brain, it wont top
     
  7. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    fuck it,t thehy win
     
  8. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Keep posting and get it out. We're here and we're concerned. :hug:
     
  9. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    nothing moree to say, pdid what i had to, they won, i cant control it any more.. dont havet he willpower to fight
     
  10. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    :cheekkiss:
     
  11. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    sorry :(

    ended up falling asleep or passing out or something, with a bloody pair of scissors in my hand. feel so fucking low.
     
  12. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Glad you're ok (well, ok maybe ok not right) but glad to read your words.

    Are you feeling up to talking about any of it (before you manage to deconstruct it - nicely meant joke).

    In any event, here's lots of this :console::console::console:
     
  13. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    It happens sometimes, the darkness takes over my head completely, its like a huge pressure in my head, like a weight in there... i never know quite whats going to kick it off, but it ends up making me go completely self destructive. I say they because its like a voice, but not quite, i know that there is nothing there, it just feels like my brain is being... well that demon. I kept feeling like there were evil bits in my flesh, like i could feel like rotting flesh there or something, and it kept telling me to cut it free... i didn't in the end, i scraped myself up a fair bit, but didn't do anything serious.

    I had this really wierd dream, about zombies and skeletons and wierd yellow and red demon things... it wouldn't make any sense if i even tried to explain it, but when i woke up from it, thats when i felt that way. I don't know if that happened to trigger it, or if it wasn't related, i'm really not sure.
     
  14. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    That's really frightening - especially that you're being pushed to hurt yourself by such a horrific sense. I'm totally lost for words here - and I don't know that words are any good here anyway.

    Your dream images immediately make me think they're related to these posts (demons in the mind sort of thing). If it's any consolation, my experience of dreams is that they always, without fail, throw up images and events that uncannily accurately reflect how I'm feeling.

    Do you have any kind of support mechanisms in place for when you get to the point of having to rip yourself apart? Self harming is something so totally alien to me I can't begin to understand it so feel utterly inadequate trying to help with it.

    All I can say really is please be nice to yourself - (and that maybe in a case like this 'deconstructing' is actually the best thing you could do.)

    Take extra care!

    Tam
     
  15. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if i can try to deconstruct it now, too soon after it happened. I'm trying hard not to take my thoughts there, so they don't make me feel that way. The dream was seriously fucked up though, like some mix of a horror movie, and something like resident evil... I guess actually that alot of times this happens is after dreams like that, seriously fucked up things, it was the last time it happened too, but i don't know where these thoughts come from, because its not like i watch those things or enjoy them or anything.

    The only place i have for support is here, or talking to one or two friends on msn. Thats why i came on as soon as i felt like this, because i'm not sure how far i'd go if i was completely alone... though the once or twice i have... well i've been pretty badly hurt. No-one was on msn or anything (it was like 4/5 morning, so i didn't really expect them to be), so i posted on here. I don't have anywhere else i can go for help, especially not when i get like that.
     
  16. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Menchi,

    Am I stirring up a hornets' nest by saying but what about your girlfriend? And you strike me as a pretty people-oriented sort of person, isn't there someone you could phone? As in, real time talking. Without having to go through the rigmarole of explaining everything, I'm thinking of some sort of alert code or something. Dunno... Just strikes me as really awful that you have to sit there feeling like that and not have some way of turning out away from the intensity of it all.

    I don't want to push you right now to talk anymore about the dream, but there's lots in it that is worth really looking into. Maybe later when you're feeling safer, we could talk about it a bit more?

    I have to go and get up now so am going to log off. Maybe catch you later this afternoon?

    Tam
     
  17. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    Not exactly a hornets nest, just the same question i've been asking myself more times than anything else. And the truth is, i should be able to... i wont share her secrets, but she has been through a lot of stuff like this too, and should understand. But... well i love her, but... i don't trust her with my emotional state right now. She is good at making me feel bad over little things, and i'm sure if i tried to talk to her about this... well the outcome would be bad.

    And talking on the phone is something i'm awful with, even if there was someone there to talk to. I struggle most of all talking on the phone, because I can't properly put my feelings into words while talking, particularly if i can't see the person i am talking to... thats why i use the internet so much, it gives me time to think, not to go with my reflex response that everything is okay, trying to cover everything up, and allows me to put my thoughts into a form i can read back and reflect on.

    I'll probably be around all day today, on and off, so i'd be happy to talk later.

    Take care
     
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