Her Body

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by AstroAshton92, Dec 25, 2011.

  1. AstroAshton92

    AstroAshton92 Active Member

    I have an intimate relationship with my best friend. It has been this way for 6 years.

    When we were first young and experiencing life I was submerged into her world by discovering the world of females loving females. Her mothers are very dear to me, and when I could not take my family they took me in as their own every time. I have my very first real Christmas celebration with them and even though I don't believe in god, it felt really good to be cared for and to have someone to enjoy the falling snow with. My best friend grew with me, through high school, adversity, drugs, alcohol, sex, and depression. We both always had boyfriends for the intimacy part, mostly because of my reluctance to making things weird when she first address me on our mutual feeling of intimate love for each other- more than sisters- maybe even the only girl I've ever loved and the only person I've never felt threatened by.
    Now that I've grown up and understood what she means to me I regret not letting myself fall in love when I had the chance. I've been compensating for the loss of the one person who gets me, because she's has a life, and since then has moved onto finding her own happiness through another guy, who I introduced her to. They've been together for a year and some months. I've been with my new boyfriend for 8 months but I still find her in my heart in turmoil, but I dare not tell her because she actually seems content this time.
    Last night on Christmas Eve I've discovered that she was using heroine to cope with life and it scares me. It's a step farther than I've ever gone with drugs and once I was drugged by someone intentionally to make me physically sick through heroine. It was awful and I wonder how she could do it, but it's her life and none of my business so I don't push on her buttons; the last thing I want now is for her to feel I'm attacking her.
    But I worry, and her boyfriend seems not to because he's been doing it forever, and they seem to understand each other in a way that I can't.
    So now I'm afraid to turn to her or my lover, ruling out my Family automatically because of avoiding them telling me to pray or to take my Celexa.
    What I really want is for her to be with me, and for us to not be like we are. But I cannot change people...I can't even change myself.
  2. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    drag her away from heroin, kicking and screaming if need be, my friend took it ONCE and he died. its a dangerous drug to play with!
  3. AstroAshton92

    AstroAshton92 Active Member

    I hope that she will see I only want to help. But she really gets sensitive and will push me away to protect what she wants to do.
  4. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    Ashton when (or even if) you confront her about these issues, make it clear that your not confronting her out of spite but out of concern for her safety and well-being. Try to make her understand where you're coming from (A intimate friend of many years) and that taking heroine is not the right course of action to take.
    In my opinion that's wrong. You have been friends for a long time and if she is anything like the person you have made her out has, she sounds caring, caring enough to help you through depression throughout high-school. If she is using heroine to cope with her problems, then her judgement may be clouded and it is my impression that you would care about her health.
    Remember Ashton, this may take several talks to get through, may be difficult at times and there is a chance that she will push you away. But if you succeed, you may have just saved your friend's life.
  5. AstroAshton92

    AstroAshton92 Active Member

    We're currently in college at the moment. She's the type that is hard headed, but I hope she'll listen. I love her so much...I just don't have it in me to care about anything else if she chooses heroine over me.
  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    You have two choices.

    1. Stick around and hope that she'll change and fully accept recovery. In the mean time, feeling pain, betrayal, stress, and worry for an indefinite amount of time.

    2. Or, you can remove her from your life and still feel a tremendous amount of pain that WILL eventually go away if you give it time.

    The fact is, you can NOT get her to stop doing heroin. If you try, she'll only lie to you about it. She has to WANT to stop and accept recovery, which means seeing doctors, doing group and individual therapy, NA meetings, medication, etc. If she doesn't do these things, like I said, you have 2 choices. Either leave, or stay and hope that things will change. I am currently in the same situation with my husband and for the time being I am choosing to stick around.
  7. vir

    vir Well-Known Member

    I dunno. We're all programmed to want things we don't or can't have. We're all stupid and fickle, and we rarely know what we want. I miss my ex-girlfriend terribly, but I know if we'd stayed together, things wouldn't have worked out. Whenever I have conflicting emotions, I always try and go the practical route. In your case, that could be staying with your boyfriend, provided you like him. Relationships do take work, and you'll always look at other people.

    At least you have the experience with your friend to reflect and/or fantasize on.
  8. AstroAshton92

    AstroAshton92 Active Member

    I suppose I have this image of her in my mind as one of the only girls I've ever been intimate so being around her still makes me sensitive. But when I see her doing this and watching her life fall around her I wonder if she's happy. I know she feels the same way I do about life so maybe this is how she's biding her time....? Sounds far fetched but not far enough to discount the idea. Maybe she's thinking she's got no where to go but down, and I can't really prove her wrong, I don't know what's in her future. I just don't want her to regret it, ya know?
  9. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    If she keeps doing heroin, I can tell you exactly what's in her future. Rehab, death, or jail.