It's been a while since I've been here. Last Sept I attempted suicide. I was in the hospital for a week. I didnt know I tried to commit suicide. I didn't know I was alive I was so in and out of it. Memory loss. Things have been touch and go as far as new meds go. Atleast I wasn't feeling suicidal. I feel like I'm slipping. The days are passing me by like hours, or I completely miss the entire day. Im feeling suicidal. I talk to my caseworker tomorrow but if I tell him or even show any sighn I'm feeling harmful, he won't hesitate to turn me in. He won't just let me talk and get my feelings or thoughts out to try and fix them. Instead he gets over dramatic and gives me ultimatums. One being going to CRC. But Im afraid of being away from home to long I freak out. I have had a lot of time to think way to much this year. I lost my job because of my suicide attemp, I lost my place to live. I have almost nothing. A few material things. do the world a favor and kill yourself Screams over and over in my head. The only thing I care about is my bird I've had her over 12 years. I care about what happens to her. Sounds sad but thats literally the only person/ soul I havnt driven away. I'm lost, done, tired. So here I am again where I know people care, listen, and actually understand.