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Here and need help

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by bcp, Mar 14, 2015.

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  1. bcp

    bcp New Member

    I have been suicidal for a few years now.
    First attempt was October 2013, I took <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> but failed due to people calling rescue.
    next was in January of this year. again with the rescue.
    Then again last month with pills again, rescue and ended up in a mental ward for a week until I could lie my way out.
    Now I think Ive just lost the only person that I really loved, and its hitting me so hard that once again I am planning to end my life. I have nothing left to live for.
    I have done much research, I know exactly how to succeed this time, and I plan on not being around where anyone can or will find me until I am gone.
    Quick run down.
    My marriage sucks, I am and have been under employed for some time now, I have run through my retirement savings in order to just survive.
    I helped a girl get clean from heroin, and in the process we fell in a platonic love with each other, very real, and very strong.
    She began pulling away from me, and at the same time I saw her going back to the same habits that she had while using.
    I was talking to another person about her on facebook PMs, and she ended up reading them. She was upset and cut us all out of her life, and from what I hear she has gone back to using.
    So, I am not at an age where I will never find love again, I will never be able to retire and I have no joy in life.
    All I want at this point is to die. I have hurt the only person that I really love, and to me this is too much to carry with me.
    I guess Im just writing this here as some form of a last note, permanent in so much that I can not removed it.
    I will leave a link to this so that if anyone wonders why I finally ended my life, they will know why and hopefully understand.
    I really dont see where anyone is going to care to be honest. My wife will get my insurance and she will be happy, I will no longer be in anyones lives to cause pain, and thats a good thing.
    I think Im doing everyone a favor.

    I do have a few loose ends to tie up first in order not to leave others with a mess to clean up, but I plan to be gone before the week is over.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. I know you are hurting but you did nothing wrong but help someone in need. You have no need to punish yourself over this. You are a kind hearted soul who just helped someone.

    It's just human nature that you helped someone and decided to emotionally attached. Yes, the rejection is hurtful for you but does NOT mean you are in the wrong. I know your heart is broken and yet the pain will ease over time. It's about dealing with it one day at a time. I know this may not what you want to hear but please stay safe as we do understand.

    Please keep posting as we can get YOU through this tough time of your life. We all here are survivors and battle with our crisis on a day by day basis. Take care.
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