I have been suicidal for a few years now. First attempt was October 2013, I took <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> but failed due to people calling rescue. next was in January of this year. again with the rescue. Then again last month with pills again, rescue and ended up in a mental ward for a week until I could lie my way out. Now I think Ive just lost the only person that I really loved, and its hitting me so hard that once again I am planning to end my life. I have nothing left to live for. I have done much research, I know exactly how to succeed this time, and I plan on not being around where anyone can or will find me until I am gone. Quick run down. My marriage sucks, I am and have been under employed for some time now, I have run through my retirement savings in order to just survive. I helped a girl get clean from heroin, and in the process we fell in a platonic love with each other, very real, and very strong. She began pulling away from me, and at the same time I saw her going back to the same habits that she had while using. I was talking to another person about her on facebook PMs, and she ended up reading them. She was upset and cut us all out of her life, and from what I hear she has gone back to using. So, I am not at an age where I will never find love again, I will never be able to retire and I have no joy in life. All I want at this point is to die. I have hurt the only person that I really love, and to me this is too much to carry with me. I guess Im just writing this here as some form of a last note, permanent in so much that I can not removed it. I will leave a link to this so that if anyone wonders why I finally ended my life, they will know why and hopefully understand. I really dont see where anyone is going to care to be honest. My wife will get my insurance and she will be happy, I will no longer be in anyones lives to cause pain, and thats a good thing. I think Im doing everyone a favor. I do have a few loose ends to tie up first in order not to leave others with a mess to clean up, but I plan to be gone before the week is over.