Here goes nothing.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheBLA, Jun 28, 2007.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Okay, I don't have a suicide plan, don't want to commit suicide anytime soon but I'm posting here because I think this is the section that gets the most attention and replies.

    Man, I have been here for almost two years and haven't even posted here what makes me depressed and think about suicide, I only post very vague things and such, its the same to my parents and anyone else, I'm not playing a game, not trying to play around. Don't know anyone here and nobody knows me, don't talk to anyone on AIM, MSN, chat room, etc. Damn. I just find it hard to post the reasons, I guess I feel so ashamed. I feel like the most unfortunate person even though I see all of you suffering so much and all that.

    Can't believe I've been here for two years and haven't done anything, sigh, that really is depressing and pathetic huh?

    I dunno if I should commit suicide, looks like the odds are against me doing that. It would hurt my parents and little brother, I am afraid of what happens after death, if it really is a sin and I go to some bad afterlife, etc.

    I find it strange I only started getting really depressed and suicidal after turning 18 and going into college considering I've been a loser and inferior my whole life. Thats basically why I am depressed, because I am inferior to everyone, I'm just an all-round loser, I haven't been raised right, I haven't done anything with my life, haven't done most of the normal things everyone else has done, I am so different from everyone and in a bad sense. I don't do anything, don't really have a plan, dreams, goals, etc.

    Now I wish I wasn't born. I had read on the news recently that those born premature are more likely to drop out of school, be failures in life, etc. I know many of these things are crap but I still believe it but its stupid. I was born premature and very weak, weighted only 2 pounds and I was very close to death and my mom says it was my dad who saved me by getting me to a hospital. I now wish he hadn't done that. I don't think life is bad, just my life is bad. I feel very scared and I'm not fit to live. I don't have what it takes to live really, I wasn't and am not prepared enough. Life truly is unfair when I hear about so many promising, great people dying in accidents and whatnot and a loser like me is still living.

    And I know all of you will say I am not pathetic and I should keep living and I wasn't meant to die, etc. And its funny because if you say that, I'll think your just lying and say that generic stuff to everybody. But if you say the opposite, then I'll feel a lot worse and more depressed.

    I'm in a really bad situation and I don't think I can ever get out. I wish I could start life all over again but no point in thinking of the impossible. What can I do? I'm scared, directionless, etc.

    I'm sorry I was still sounding vague and stuff. I hope I can get some helpful, supportive replies please. Thanks guys. :sad:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2007
  2. no point

    no point Well-Known Member

    hey, you are not a loser. i'm sorry i'm not much of a help. i just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me anytime. :hug:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you opened up even that much nk. For you that is a major accomplishment. I am proud of you. I am glad you survived your childhood and are still with us today. I don't see you as inferior to anyone, nor are you an all around loser. I know you don't believe me, but it is true. You need to practice some positive self talk. You are so busy telling yourself what a loser you are that you actually believe it. Start telling yourself your a winner until you believe that instead. i hope you can continue to have the confidence to keep posting here. You have taken that first big step. the rest shouldn't be as hard. Thinking of you. :hug:
  4. junkie

    junkie Guest

    Two years here and you're still alive, sounds like an accomplishment to me.
  5. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    Yeah,i'm here for a year and have not done anything either,if i die now nobody would notice. I guess i'm useless here just as in my real life.
    Sorry buddy i don't have any much supportive words for you,i feel the same way,life isn't unfair to some people,that is true,but you have find strenght to fight back,if you give up it will be much worse than it can be. I know that,my life could be beautiful if i have tried to change some things but i didn't. You can't just wait good things happen to you,it just doesn't come by itself.
    I saw some movie recently,its name is Stroszek(very depressing movie-after watching this move Ian Curtis commited suicide),there is a scene when doctor holds some premature just born baby,he said something like this:"Look how weak and skinny this baby looks,but one day this baby could be the president".
    Don't give up yet,you are still young,i guess you'll find a decent job,have a gf etc.,life can be beautiful for you too. That is what keeping my hopes still alive,you know i should graduate soon,than start life on my own. Maybe things will change...maybe...

    Sorry if i'm getting on your nerves,that's the best i can say. Here if you want to talk:smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 29, 2007
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I dunno, I just wanted to bump this, hoping for some more replies. I didn't want this thread to die off so soon, but I think any thread I make, I'll get a few replies and it will then die. Maybe because I don't self harm, haven't made an attempt or will soon so I'm little to no risk unlike a lot of people here? But I am still suffering and sad and my life was, is and still will be shit and a waste I think. I wish I was more popular and known and cared for around here, I dunno, sigh. I dunno if I am being greedy or an attention whore.

    And I'm sorry I'm not more detailed about my problems and all that, that must be why I'm not getting help or very little, I'm so pathetic, but I feel that I'm suffering so bad that I can't be fixed/helped but that must be the depression talking? :blub: :blub::blub:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2007
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no you are not being greedy.

    if it means anything to you or not but i care.

    white dove
  8. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    same here im always of us are here for u. and yes u r not a loser.
    take care hun
  9. rd9671

    rd9671 Guest

    I just wanted to add that I think you are being way too hard on yourself, you really do need to think of some positive things about yyourself instead of the negative all of the time. I can think of one right now.... you are very articulate.
    I would hope that you feel you can contact me anytime, I would like to get to know you better. Take care.
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I don't know what I can say to you that I haven't already said so if I am a bit redundant I apologize. I do not see you as a loser or worthless in anyway. Just because you don't self harm aor haven't attempted does not make you feelings and issues any less important. You haven't shared a lot of details as you mentioned, but that may come with time. You are beginning to open up a little. Maybe you will feel more comfortable in sharing later. That is perfectally fine. Feel free to PM me if you want someone to share things with, or just to talk in general. Take care please. :hug:
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