Here how it is

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Jan 17, 2013.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I dam well nobody gives a fck anymore christ i dont.I m sick of my shit and i cant blame ppl for it either.This is how it is I cant pick myself up i m fucked.No more brave face no more bullshitting to myself.I dont like me and dont expect others to like me.I dont give a shit about life anymore.I have nothing left I have nothing to offer.I m dead.I have tryed I have battled ive even put myself in awekward situations such as stay here at my exes and her new hubbies to stay safe but nah i m coping and really i m sick of all the crap in my head.I cant move forward ive sunken this time.Cant be fcked plus i m drained.Noone will give a hoot anyway not that i want it.I hate me and expect all to hate me i m just a oxygen waster
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Spidy, I care about you. You are not an oxygen waster. You are a person with feelings, and at the moment, you are struggling. When we feel that badly, it's hard to think and find reasons to feel better or to find things that might help us.

    Feelings don't have to be acted upon...they are like a virus that just has to run its course until it's gone. I hope you'll keep talking to us until things settle a bit for you. And when this turmoil settles down, you might find it easier to figure out ways to keep going.

    Please, stay safe. :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    OH hun please know we do care about you Please hang on go to hospital if you have to hun but don't do any harm to you hugs
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    not tonight I wont but come saturday i know where the bike tracks are I cant anymore.I have fought and been strong but I dont have in me now.Lost all my faith in life.Hospital wont do me any good they just drug me wait till i seem better then send me on my way.I face i m a hassle on the health care system i need to go away.
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Sorry
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No, you don't need to go away. :hug: You're cared about here... I care, and I know there are others that do too. Please don't do anything Saturday! Here if you feel like talking.
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Another day where things were going good and bang in the shit again.Seems i cant do anything right.Wtf i help everyone else out they get all their holidays outings blah blah blah and i m there so all this happens yet always something i havnt done rght.Whats the point i m just here for everyones convenience and to be there boxing bag.I m having a real bad mental break down everything is shit and turns to shit.I cant see any point anymore
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What happened that caused things to go bad today?

    You're worth so much more than you realize, and I'm sorry the people around you treat you so badly and take you for granted.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hey spidy..I care too even though i'm not on here much at the moment..
    It's Saturday where we are and I hope you didn't hurt yourself.
    Your ex must care how you are if she has you in her home until you feel better..
    your kids will always need you no matter what..
    If for no other reason keep holding on for them
    you deserve to be happy..remember you are worth it. :hug:
     
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Spidy. Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you, I care. I know a lot of crappy things have happened and those hurt a lot. Sometimes good things will happen too. Maybe life is a mixture, not a constant or steady flow :dunno: Please stay strong. People here care and want good things for you. :hug:
     
  11. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx all for your kind words.I havnt gone bck to my place yet as i m trying to hold on.Yet i m really am in alot of emotional and mental pain where as I dont know where to turn what too do.Life is really scaring me its all very hard to explain whats going on in my head but seems every little thing is triggering me.I really have been fighting against all my self harm thoughts and plans to end it all prob only thing stopping me from either is the fact I wont do anything while i min the same place as my kids.Being bck home i can hide my cuts but they are getting dangerous too and i really dont want one of my kids to find me.Everything is in turmoil and believe me I am a fighter but seems I cant get around this bout.I m so bloody over it just seem to be digging the hole deeper.As I said very hard to explain where I am at the moment and the prob is I dont know.I know i m very scared though.
     
  12. ADreamer

    ADreamer Member

    I wish I could give you a hug or do more than offer kind words, Spidy. :( You are not an "oxygen waster". You're a human being with a good heart and complexities that some people cannot begin to understand. You feel more than most, hurt more than most. We all make mistakes, feel angry because we made them, and wish we never had. But the important thing is that we carry on, and we keep swinging! Life is a roller coaster for us. It's a ceaseless hurricane. If there's anyone you can talk to, please do. I started seeing a counselor a year ago, and am finally starting to gain some leeway in the constant fight within me. Please know, there are people here that CARE about you, and wouldn't want to see you go. You carry an impact and mean so much more than you think. :( Talk to someone here, whenever you need to. Feel free to talk to me. Sometimes life sucks, but it doesn't always have to be endured alone. :(
     
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