Here I am again.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Invisible Child, Jul 19, 2014.

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  1. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    Wishing that I weren't. I thought that going back to work would keep me busy and from thinking so much. I was so wrong. Now not only as I constantly thinking about how much I don't want to breathe anymore, I am also in physical and emotional pain because of work. I am looking for another job but it took me almost 2 months to find this one and someone has to work in this house to pay bills and make sure the kids are taken care of. But do I let go of the spring that is holding me up before I am able to find another job? It would be so much easier to give up, then they get my insurance money and can pay off every bill we have and still have money left until the husband finds a job.

    I am so numb feeling today I don't even think I would feel anything if I were to get hit by a car. I haven't felt this numb in a very long time and I don't like the way it feels. I also when I get real numb do things without thinking and I am fighting those feelings today also. I hate feeling this way, and I hate being home alone when these feelings begin to take over. I just don't want to be among the living, breathing, people walking around this planet. I think I am destined to forever feel alone hating myself even if i'm in a room full of people. I ask myself often who would really miss me anyway and I can't think of even one person that would miss me. So why do I bother going on........
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    yes i can think of some people who would miss you your children for sure. Can you not get a sick leave from work until you feel stronger i hope so
     
  3. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    I can't right now, I'm in my 90 day probation period. All that really doesn't really matter anymore.
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    you would be surprised.
     
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