Here i am again...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LostSpirit, Feb 22, 2009.

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  1. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Not sure if a few of you remember the thread i did a couple of weeks ago,about me being pregnant and i was'nt sure what to do, well i have decided to have an abortion, after discussing it with my boyfriend, we both agreed it was for the best, i decided to go privately, so its done quicker, so last monday i had my first appointment to take the first pill, i had prepared myself a couple of days befor hand, had a good cry, but still new it was the right thing to do, The lady explained everything to me which took about half an hour, so next thing was to have a scan, i obviously did'nt look, but she seemed concerned after 5 mins, she got someone else to come and have a look, and she said, i had a large cyst, that i should go and get checked out right away, she asked how far along i was, and i always write down my dates, i worked it out i was 6 weeks exactly, she said that i must be only 4 weeks or so, because they couldnt really see a lot, which in that case they are not allowed to give me the first pill, at this stage i was fuming, like i said i had prepared myself for it to be over and done with that week,having to wait another week dreaded me with fear, anyway i get transferred to get this cyst looked at, and was told there was nothing to worry about not less it gets bigger, she also said, i must be about 4 weeks pregnant, but like i say i wrote down my dates, i no when my last period was, so no idea how they have worked that out, anyway i was told to go back in a weeks time, so i hope tomorrow they will give me the first pill, the last couple of weeks have been dreadfull, trying to make the right decision, iv felt guilt, anger, every emotion you can think of, my boyfriend has been really supportive, iv been comfort eating and gained like 7 lbs in 2 weeks, but i guess this is another way of me dealing with it,
    last couple of days, iv been thinking about suicide again, it never really leaves my mind, but right now i feel it would be the answer to all my problems, i hate myself even more for what im about to do, like i say yes i no im making the right choice, but that wont stop the guilt, i'm starting to look into things to much, i think my boyfriend is only being nice to me because im going to have an abortion, even tho he said he would stick by me no matter what happens), i just hope i dont lose him

    Yes iv been referred to someone for councelling, yet more talking to strangers, that seems to help short term wise, but not long term

    each day the hate i feel for myself is getting worse

    i cant see my life getting any better......... after a couple of failed attempts, i no that if i do decide to end it all, then it will work this time, no if's or but's
  2. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    Do you talk to your boyfriend about your self-hate and your thoughts about suicide? What about your parents, do you talk to them a lot?

    What would he think if he suddenly saw you dead with a suicide note next to you, how would he feel? please reconsider suicide, eventhough it ends all of your problems it doesn't solve them, it just creates more pain for others. Fighting is worth it, one day you will can be happy. Everything wonderful and beautiful in life is worth fighting for, especially life itself.

    Stay safe hun :hug:
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member


    I don't know what way you worked out your dates hun, a lot of people count themselves pregnant from the night they conceived whereas medically it is counted from your last period so this may explain the 2 week difference.

    What you're going through is a huge thing right now, these things can & will take time to heal. How you are feeling just now could be due to the circumstances you have found yourself in & on that basis, I would ask you not to do anything too hasty.

    If you know you are making the right decision then try not to think too much into the 'what if's'. I know that's a lot easier said than done but in time things will get easier hun. Take the counselling that they offer, these people are there to help you. I know you think it's only short term but perhaps they will be able to refer you on for something a bit more in the long term?

    Be gentle on yourself hun. I will be thinking of you tomorrow & if you ever want to talk you know where I am.

    Big hugs & much love, Claire xx
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i wish you the best hun. this is a hard place you are in. i have sent you a pm . . hope that goes love to you xxx
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: how are you feeling today hun?
  6. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Im still in a bit of pain, but have been told, this is to be expected for 2 weeks, i no i made the right choice- but im still upset about it all, and to top it off, everyone seems to be getting pregnant at the moment, everywhere i look babies, turn the tv on , is either babies or someone is pregnant!
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