Here i am again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by just dont care, Nov 13, 2006.

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  1. just dont care

    just dont care Well-Known Member

    Well i am back to the same old way i was. i thought that if i made new friends and started to be more social that i wouldnt be here in my room thinking about ways to kill myself. i dont know what to do anymore i tried different things but it all ends up the same way and now that i am out of ideas i dont know how much longer i can fight it off. i dont know what to do, the only options i have left are to kill myself or rely on drugs and alchol to keep these thoughts from surfacing. i cant tell any friends or family because i dont want them to think bad of me and i cant get any help because i dont want anyone to find out i just dont know what to do anymore.
     
  2. just dont care

    just dont care Well-Known Member

    well just a little update i didnt go with the drugs cause i couldnt obtain any right away but i did get the alcohol and it seems to be working pretty well but dont worry i wont abuse it but when i get really bad i will bring it out because i just feel good right now lol
     
  3. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I just want to let you know that I am glad you are still here. I know and understand, believe me.. I know how hard it is to try to change and try to be more social and make new friends.. It is hard when feeling depressed and lost.

    I really know how hard it is to fight not giving into the darkness and do it.. Have been there many many times myself.. I shouldn't even be here talking to you.. but for whatever, reason, I am! Not that I am always happy about making it back and then I "accidentally" found SF.. had a date set.. things in order.. then I find this forum. don't remember how.. have had several dates set.. and then other times.. what the hell? But, I bounced back and my dr. is amazed that I am still here and no organs damaged, etc.

    Being a part of SF has helped me make it this far and the people here have been wonderful, caring, supportive, and understand.. can relate to you and your pain. I have been through alot in my life.. okay..

    so you think a couple options are to kill yourself.. yeah.. i know.. me too.. or rely on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and not allow these thoughts to surface.. Yeah.. been there too.. but, you know, this is just a cover up and will not help you at all...you say you won't abuse it.. but in the end it will be controlling you and you will have worse problems to deal with if you don't OD.. and sometimes, that doesn't always happen.. I know people who have suffered.. and yes, I am lucky for whatever reason, and I can't tell you that the pain will go away and your broken heart..

    I know you are worried about your friends and family.. Me too.. I have lost many friends and as for my family.. I have always been the "strong" person to be able to handle things with my friends and family.. Lot of people looked up to me.. some even put me on a pedestal.. how can one compete with that??? I am not perfect.. although alot of people think my family were perfect and shocked to find out it wasn't so.. My family doesn't know my history of any of this, except a couple incidents that happen in the last couple years and they are not aware of the full extent..

    It would be a blemish on my family name.. especially my mom's to know that since I was 5, I have felt suicidal.. is my first recollection.. I know how you feel.. you don't want anybody to think bad of you.. same with me.. my family has no idea and are well known in the community.. and highly educated.. so I am a disgrace to my family name if anybody finds out.. However, you need to get some help.. I hate to say that to you.. but it is extremely important... but is it possible that you can without your family/friends knowing?

    Okay. so you say that either you need to rely on drugs/alcohol to make it through? So, do you not think that your family/friends would think bad of you as you continued on in your addiction not realizing the impact that it may have on others?? It has it's consequences and will catch up with you.. I know.. it does.. and then what will your family/friends think, hon??? Please get some help.. nobody needs to know..

    You may just need some medication as there is a chemical imbalance in the brain and will help with that.. and also getting help for yourself by seeing a Therapist(t) or psychiatrist (pdoc)? Nobody needs to know.. I have been there myself and understand your fear.. depression is hereditary in my family, although, I grew up in the "perfect family" and behind closed doors.. nobody knew.. I was suppose to be the "perfect child."

    Also, what is wrong with drugs?? It numbs the pain and everything.. Eventually one has to work on what is painful and add to that the alcohol/drugs makes it lot worse.. Ectasy is not good either.. and as alot of side effects..it may seem like it is okay for a season but then one eventually pay for it.. I hope you will keep talking to us.. and lean on us.. Numbing yourself with drugs/alcohol will solve nothing but just add to alot more problems and you are worried about thinkng that your family and friends will think bad of you?? Please seek help..

    I hope you will lean on us and keep talking to us.. Give us a chance to be there for you.. I know you are hurting deeply..

    Gitana
     
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