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Here I am again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rainfall, Apr 16, 2012.

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  1. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    Life was going well. I was recovering, bullying is decreasing, fell in love with a girl that doesnt treat me like crap, doing alright in my classes...life wasn't perfect, but it was bearable, and that's all I wanted. Then something happened, I snapped again. Except, instead of anger, it was something else.

    I can't smile any more. The truth is, because of all the exams and price if university, and tests becoming corrupted, and global issues, Im going to have next to no future. Everyone around me still has the ability to smile, all those who were still my friends are now getting popular, leaving me behind as I am hated by 99% of the kids here. Everyone else seems to be handling school better than me.

    Then there's Taylor. I know it's love. Every time I look at her, I smile, everytime I think about kissing her I get goosebumps. I can't think of anyone else but her. I just wish I could hold her hand, just once you know, just kiss her and tell her how I truly feel. But I can't. I can't put it into words, and even if I did, I'm not good enough for her. She's perfect, and I'm just the idiot that's too scared to tell her just three words

    My family life is getting worse. My mum is getting my dad angrier each day, and his anger is directed at me and me sis. Nit physically, but soon I think that will change.

    I have to work and work, while facing more beatings from school. I just have to learn to hide the bruises just like I hide the cuts.

    And, worst of all, I'm at the mental stage where I have to tie down my arm to stop it from ripping my voicebox put (I hate my voice, as well as many other features of my looks and personality. Trust me, I'm no prize).

    I know this is nothing compared to other people here, and I don't expect any one to comment, I just needed to say that I did write it down. You can just forget me, or that you ever read this. I won't blame you, there are people on here who deserve your help more than me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Who ever is hurting you needs to be reported to authorities so you and others they are hurting will be protected Talk to someone at school or the police YOU are just as important as anyone here is hun I hope you reach out and get help you need to stay safe
  3. Hello Rainfall,

    Powerful words, you have a future and it shows. The last poster is right, you do not and should not tolerate bullying. Report it, even if anonymously to ensure that people are aware.

    Secondly, you are still fairly young I imagine, your emotions run wild and in different directions. We have all faced stress, the fact that you can express your pain and anxiety is the sign of a strong person, much stronger than I was when I was in university. Embrace this strength to continue to hold on and move forward. Someone who can express themselves in such an honest manner is someone who others will find appealing, even if you haven't met that person yet.
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Nobody should have to put up with bullying that needs to be reported.And as the other post said very powerful words.You sound like a decent person with a couple of problems and to reach out to somebody to get you through will help a great deal.You sound like a trooper so please hang in there and you will be surprised how life can change for the better and you might find that oneday you are doing alot better than those bullys hang in there bud.
  5. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    The police have more pressing matters than act as teacher, I don't want to waste their time. And I'm not strong, I'm in fact the polar opposite.
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Police are there to protect and serve and you wont be wasting their time.You need to try and build that strength with in yourself but taking it one day at a time.You need to start believing in yourself and be yourself as i said before you sound like a trooper and please keep reaching out here.Good to see you have posted again use as much support you can get its what its there for.
  7. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    My now-gone friend tried the police once tonend his bullying, the most they gave was a warning. The police have no control on this, and not as if my issue is as important as stopping crimes and stuff. And, there's nothing left to believe in.
  8. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    The police can and will respond appropriately. I work with various police agencies and departments and I can assure you that the television image of "Cops" is like other reality TV... not always really real. There are many things that the police do, we just don't see it dramatized on television or in the media because compared to murders, robberies, and car crashes, it's not as "entertaining" to the viewing public. Most police departments also have a mental health division with officers who are trained in things that would be applicable to your situation and in response to those who are the bully's. Contact the police and file a report. You have a right as a tax paying citizen to press charges on anyone who is breaking the law (bully's are breaking the law). In addition to helping yourself, you will be helping the next person that the bully might have gone after too.
  9. Rainfall

    Rainfall Well-Known Member

    Like I said, the most they will do is give a warning. It's happened before. I just don't want to cause a fuss when they could be helping others.

    Look, I don't want to bring in the police for reasons I won't even say on here. It's not that I have a criminal record for anything, it's just a really personal matter.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2012
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