Here I am again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Butterfly, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Life is perfect, so why this downward spiral, why now????? Clearly cannot trusted to be alone. Been alone for less than 4 hours and I burned a hole in my leg. I dunno how I can stop myself caving in to the impulses. Thoughts in my head are driving me crazy.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    ((((Hugs)))) - i should have something more profound and insightful but that is all that comes to mind Lexi.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Thank you Ben :hug:
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    You do have lots to be happy about and things are going well. :smile: Perhaps the negative feelings are leaking out along with feeling good. Feeling good has opened the "emotions door" and that door doesn't care if the emotions going through it are good or bad.

    Perhaps you could give yourself some time every day to review what's going on and just check in with your feelings about the present and the past if need be. That way you are acknowledging your feelings without being overwhelmed by them. :hug:
     
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't know if what I have been feeling is "good". I have forgotten what it feels like, as well as having a happy medium. Things have been going well recently, and I have genuinely felt some happy moments recently, and for the first time in a long time I have managed to stay on a stable happy medium between being desperately suicidal, or ridiculously euphoric. But it hasn't lasted. I don't know how to stop the cycle. it just comes out of the blue each and every time. I have a really good life, but I am being tormented mentally and I feel so ungrateful and like I don't deserve what I have because many people would kill to have just a taste of what I have got. Why isn't it enough? I try to acknowledge these crazy thoughts as just thoughts, but I have 1,000 thoughts all colliding at once. It's so noisy in there. I can't make head or tail of any of it. It feels like an untuned radio, white noise aswell as thousands of people all talking at once. All I know is that I am feeling pretty desperate and self destructive. I have tried many distractions, but I just cannot focus for long enough because my head is so noisy.
     
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    just wanted to send a ((hug))
     
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