Here I am.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ScarsandHopes, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    Here I am once again, anxious and depressed. My bones tense, my fists bloodied and hurting. A bottle of tequila in front of me half empty. Ripping open my old scars to see if it'll hurt still. My head going around and around. God help me, what did I or anyone ever do to deserve this?

    So I sit, and type, once again. Everything muffled, once again. Tears coming down my face like a stampede, but even they I can't feel. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I broke it. I don't hate myself, the way I look or anything else about me; But, still I can't seem to stand the sight of myself. How did I end up here? Wasn't I a happy kid 10 years ago? What changed?

    The answer: I don't know. Or possibly, the answer is me. Perhaps I've ruined everything around me, so this is my punishment. Just let me die tonight, why won't you?! I can't even pronounce life anymore without almost choking... Just let me go, I've got nothing to contribute to society. I'm done asking for help from god. Or am I? After typing that I asked him for something... I still plead for something to hold onto, will it be delivered? God... I hope so. I'm not asking for a lot, just something or someone. You've kept me alive this long...
  2. kidB

    kidB Active Member

    You will find not only that something, but that someone, if you hold on long enough. Maybe not in that order, who knows. But you will find both if you live every day hoping.

    I know you're hurting right now. I know the pain and I know so many others know the same pain you do. It's a terrible heart wrenching thing. I don't know your story but that out of everyone's story comes something good along the way. Know that. And hang in there.

    Here if you need to chat at all. Just message me.