Here I am

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by DarnTired, Oct 19, 2006.

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  1. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    Well, my name is Craig and I'm 37. I live in California and I was working as a Video Editor for five years before I got laid-off in May. I'm also a writer and an actor. I'm not produced or published, although I've written lots of screenplays and some books. I've also been writing comedy sketches.

    I've been depressed for a very long time.

    It's not just about losing the job (I hated my boss and wasn't sorry to be rid of him). I always feel unwanted and unloved, and am constantly trying to be funny in public because I feel as if people will only accept me if I am entertaining them. I have some friends that I like, but they have their own lives and their own problems to deal with. Many days and nights, I can never get anyone on the phone.

    I think about dying alot, although I don't particularly want to be dead. When I close my eyes at night, I see guns firing at me.

    I'd like to get my work published or produced someday, but I can't even get any of my friends to read my stuff. It's been difficult for me to look for work because I feel unfocused and distracted all the time. With each passing day (getting closer and closer to when my unemployment is cut off), I feel more and more distracted. Some mornings, I just don't want to get up.

    I wish I could talk to a doctor, but I don't have any money.

    I do have good moments and good days, but it's getting tougher and tougher to find them.

    I feel like a failure and that I've let everybody down. I feel like I'm causing my family and friends pain because they're always worried about me.

    And, as you may have guessed, I'm single with no girlfriend. My life feels empty to me.

    Can someone talk to me?
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF :)

    Take care

  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF, glad ya found us I hope we can give ya all the support you need....and I would be more than happy to talk to you anytime you want. :hug:

    Sorry for the short reply/'s 2:46AM where I am and I am bushed.

    Keep your chin up! :)

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum Craig!

    I know what depression can do to a person. I've also been depressed for a long time. Your depression, like mine, seems partly based on circumstances. Your life is shit cause you're depressed. You're depressed cause your life is shit. And on and on. And of course the fatigue and inability to stay focused are symptoms of depression. A vicious circle, I'd say.:sad: Being depressed makes you tired, too tired to do anything about it. Been there, still there sometimes.:sad: I'm also alone - not counting two teenage kids at home:eek:hmy: - but don't mind that as much as I did when I first parted ways with my ex. Being alone doesn't bother me as much as the financial and other burdens that being alone makes worse.

    Are you sure you can't see a professional person - doctor or counselor - due to your lack of income? Sometimes, in some areas, there are mental health agencies who will help you with fees based on income: the less income, the smaller the fee, sometimes no fee at all. It's worth looking into, as counseling and possibly meds may be just the thing to break the hold your depression has on you. It's worth a try; start by looking up 'mental health' in your phone book and go from there. In my small town we have a free clinic and also some doctors/clinics have financial aid available. Please start looking seriously for some assistance for your own well-being. Is there a mental health "hot line" in your area? So many places have them and that might be a good place to start looking for professional help.

    And, of course, you can always some here to let off steam and form friendships.:smile: We're not professionals but we are experienced listeners and will be glad to offer ears to hear you, a shoulder to cry on, and arms to reach out to you and hold you up when you feel weak or unable to stand on your own. That's what friends are for, you know.:smile:

    Welcome to the forum, and I send you love and hugs and hope that your life and circumstances will improve.:smile:



    PS; there's a forum specifically for us "old fogies" (I'm 55) called Antiquitie's Friend. You may want to post there also, and you can become a member, tho you don't have to. The only requirement for starting a thread in that forum is that you be over 30. (Oops, didn't see til just now that you'd already posted in A.F.)
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2006
  5. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum.

  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni


    Welcome to the forums :)

    Take care of yourself

    Vikki :hug:
  7. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    Thanks. There some ideas there. I really never how to even begin to get help. We'll just have to see what happens.

    I'm really glad people relpied to my post. I thought no one was going to.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. I hope you are able to find the support you need, both here and in the "real" wprld. There are many people here that will talk with you. Try out the chat room. You can discuss things there as well and have immediate feedback. I am looking forward to seeing you around the forum. Take care. :hug:
  9. RachelJ

    RachelJ New Member

    Welcome to the forum, Craig! :welcome:

    Like you, I've had my moments when I've thought about dying a lot, but in the back of my mind I know I don't want to die. I was very depressed off and on for about 6 years until something finally turned things around for me, so it can and does happen.

    In the meantime, we're all here for you if you need us. :) :hug:
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