It is a strange thing, when loneliness dawns on you, even when you are with people you have fun with. I still do have fun at times, I enjoy good company. But I find now, that the things that used to dull my depressive thoughts, and leave me just a little happy have come to dull the senses no more. It´s more chronic now. I don´t need to be alone at home to feel it. I feel it all the time. I cry more now. I have to concentrate not to do so at work. I have to make sure I don´t among my friends. I did not have to worry like this before. It would just be hidden until I came home to my loneliness. Now loneliness is EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME! What happened to me? Why am I suddenly feeling like the biggest failure in the history of, well history? What is it that will help me? Love? Money? Death? I don´t know. But here I am. Again.