Well what shall I put? Its not like anyones gonna see this post, almost no-ones online. Ive drunk a bottle and a half of red wine (1 litre bottles) felt slightly drunk half an hour ago but seem to have sobered up lol. Ive taken some sleeping pills but they aint working either, never any luck lol. Knowing my luck I could take the whole bottle and i'd still wake up at 2pm later on today, whatever i take i seem to wake up then. Not that im condoning suicide (and im not!) what ever I seem to try it never works, mabie my survival instinct is too strong and it stops my body from going into shock and dying.......... Oh the South Australian Cabernet Sauvignon in drinking now tastes so much better than the South African Ruby Cabernet Merlot I was drinking, now thats a suprise lol. I know I went off track but I love my red wines (its not enough to stop me killing myself tho). Im watching a love/murder film on itv and i cant concentrate, mabie thats good, i know im rambling here but im good at that lol. I dont know what to do, I feel really down an depressed, its prob the alcohol. I really shouldnt drink but the last time I shared a bottle of red was b4 christmas and I fancied some lol. Its just so hard, coping with everyone and everything. I dont know any reason to carrying on living anymore, its all to much. ive tried looking for help but unless i go to my docs i will have to pay for it and i cant afford it as have no job. Mabie i should just **** myself or take a super large overdose, i checked what i had and ive got over 500 pills which is at least 9 diffrent painkillers plus some other pills, that would mean a deff winning chance. mabie i should just do it. if i survived id be a vegitable and i wouldnt know any diffrent anyway.