She cheated on me with my best friend twice she came all the way from the UK to see me for my 16th birthday she gave me my first kiss.....shortly after she kissed my best friend...so i broke it off....after a week i couldnt take it i begged for her back....she said no she wanted to date someone closer.....My "best friend" and her have now been dating for three weeks....it hasnt even beeen a month and shes already moved on......so why cant I?

Here i lie awake

gazing at the ceiling thinking

about everything that's just happened

here i lie awake thinking

about what i did wrong

here i lie awake thinking

about us

here i lie awake thinking

about our dreams

here i lie awake thinking

about the time we spent together

the laughs

the tears

the love

here i lie awake thinking

how i should have been better

here i lie awake thinking

about how much more you deserved

her i lie awake thinking

how lucky i was to have you

here i lie awake thinking

how i let you slip through my fingers

here i lie awake thinking

about the fears

the regrets

the nightmares i had

here i lie awake thinking

about how perfect you were

here i lie awake thinking

about our song

how you looked when you smiled

how safe i felt in your arms

here i lie awake thinking

about those nightmares

here i lie awake thinking

about how they started

here i lie awake thinking

about how much it hurt

how hard it was to hide it

how i still left myself vulnerable to you

here i lie awake thinking

how i pretended it didn't faze me

here i lie awake thinking

how much it really did

here i lie awake thinking

how much it killed me the first time

the second time

and finally the third

here i lay awake thinking

how i always knew deep down

that it would be you two together

instead of you and me

here i lay awake thinking

about how much i loved you

here i lay awake thinking

how much i thought you loved me

here i lay awake thinking

about how that kiss killed me

here i lay awake thinking

about how your lips felt against mine

here i lie awake thinking

about her lips against yours

here i lie awake thinking

how betrayed i feel now

here i lie awake thinking

how i truly believed you

how i believed you were sorry

how i believed that you would never do it again

here i lie awake thinking

about how fucking stupid i was

here i lie awake thinking

about how fucking blind i was

here i lie awake thinking

how i should have told you how scared i was

here i lie awake thinking

how i should have told you about my nightmares

here i lie awake thinking

how maybe i should have held you more

here i lie awake thinking

about how i should have called you more

how i should have sent you more gifts

how i should have drawn more pictures of us

here i lie awake thinking

about all i did wrong

here i lie awake thinking

about how this could have all been different

here i lay awake

curled in a ball

tears silently streaming down my face

listening to songs that remind me of you

here i lie awake thinking

how amazing you were

here i lie awake thinking

about how beautiful you are

here i lie awake thinking

how cute your laugh was

here i lie awake thinking

how you were different from everyone else

here i lie awake thinking

about how wrong i was

here i lie awake thinking

about that night

here i lie awake thinking

about how good it felt to hold you close

to feel your heart beat against mine

to run my fingers through your hair

here i lie awake thinking

how i gave you everything

here i lie awake thinking

how you curled into steph

how you clung to her

how you cried in her arms

here i lie awake thinking

how i shielded you from her harsh words

here i lie awake thinking

about how i defended you

here i lie awake thinking

about how many times she hurt you

how many times she made you cry

how many times she made you worry

here i lie awake thinking

was i really that bad?

Here i lie awake thinking

about how sweet you looked when you slept in my arms

how you looked like a angel sent from heaven when you looked at me with those sleepy eyes

how you nuzzled into me

here i lie awake thinking

why wasn't i a better protector

here i lie awake thinking

how sad i am without you

how i cry myself to sleep every night

how i can't look at anything you gave me

here i lie awake thinking

how ill never get over you

here i lie awake thinking

about how much i miss you

here i lie awake thinking

about all those sweet nothings you told me

here i lie awake thinking

about how i wanted to marry you

here i lie awake thinking

about how you said we couldn't be friends

here i lie awake thinking

about how part of me died when you said that

about how alone i felt

about how cold it is

here i lie awake thinking

how much i want you back

how stupid i was to break up with you

how i should have just forgiven you

here i lie awake thinking

about how you told me you would never date steph

how you only saw her as a sister

about how she made you cry all the time

here i lie awake thinking

about all the things you did for her when she left

here i lie awake thinking

about how little you did for me when i left

here i lie awake thinking

about how all of my heart just turned to dust those two days

here i lie awake thinking

about how numb Ive gone

how cold my heart is

how nothing matters anymore

here i lie awake thinking

how the picture was like a knife in the back

how it took anything i had left in me away

how it struck the final blow

here i lie awake thinking

about how you two are together

here i lie awake thinking

about how you both abandoned me

how you two only call on me when you feel necessary

but when i need you you can just ignore me

here i lie awake thinking

how could you cheat on me

here i lie awake thinking

how could you do this to me

here i lie awake thinking

about all the power i gave you over me

here i lie awake thinking

about how i felt when you said you wanted to be friends again

here i lie awake

feeling so broken

so empty

so tired of living

here i lie awake thinking

about your intails i cut into my arm

here i lie awake thinking

how steph cant look me in the eye

here i lie awake thinking

how shes scared to talk to me

here i lie awake thinking

about how you two have killed me

here i lie awake thinking

about how ill never love again

here i lie awake thinking

how neither of you even spared me the pain

here i lie awake thinking

how im just a "reason"

here i lie awake thinking

pondering how long you really harbored your feelings for steph

here i lie awake thinking

how many times you probably lied to me

here i lie awake thinking

how perfect your lips felt against mine when i kissed you goodbye

here i lie awake thinking

about how she is gonna hurt you

how she is gonna make you cry

how she is gonna break you

here i lie awake thinking

why do i still want to protect you after you destroyed me

here i lie awake thinking

why do i still love you

why do i still care about you

why do i still want you

why do i still talk to you both

here i lie awake thinking

why does it feel like its my fault that you broke your promise and dated her

here i lie wake thinking

about how i feel so guilty

here i lie awake thinking

about how i drove you to her

here i lie awake thinking

how im probably the worst girlfriend ever

here i lie awake thinking

how i never deserved you

here i lie awake thinking

how i deserve to die

here i lie awake thinking

about everyone who has left me for someone else

here i lie awake thinking

what is it im doing wrong

here i lie awake thinking about

how romantic i was for you

here i lie awake thinking

how we played and teased each other

here i lie awake thinking

wondering why is it anyone i fall for always leave me

here i lie wake thinking

remembering every harsh word my exes have said

here i lie awake thinking

believing everything they said

why else would you leave me

here i lie awake thinking

how you two deserve each other

here i lie awake thinking

how much i love you and how much you loved me

here i lie awake thinking

about you

here i lie awake thinking

about me

here i lie awake thinking

about her

here i lie awake thinking about

how it's you two and not us two

here i lie awake thinking about

how alone i am

how you were my world

how im lost without you

here i lie awake thinking

about everything i had

and everything i lost

.............I cut myself her intails in my arm ...this is the second time ive cut her intails into me..im fucking miserable...ive started drinking alcohol...smoking cigerretes ...i keep forcing myself to at least try and look at other women but i cant....i may only be 16 but im not inexperinced when it comes to love....so dont act as though my age means anything...constent nightmares ...i scream i cry out for her but shes so happy i cant ruin that i cant be that monster