First off, thanks for having me ^^ Secondly, I have always had some sort of depression in life. It just seems like as time goes on, it gets worse and worse, bit lately it seems to be consuming me.... that feeling just won't go away that sits in your throat and chest. So, here is a journal entry I posted: Anxiety and thoughts of suicide are getting worse. I know I shouldn't have such bad anxiety about just simply having a job (and not being there for my the kids, and to help my husband), but it just keeps coming back at full force. Enough so, I feel like I am going to vomit. I really need the job though; without it, the feelings were the same, maybe worse. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong in every aspect of life. I just don't understand. I still have these feelings. The suicide thoughts come really calmly though. It's kind of weird, because when I think about simple things that make life hard, it just pops in my head, and ways to go about it, just calm as if it is an everyday thought. It's kind of freaky, because I keep thinking that one day I am just going to just calmly try to do it. The thought of the kids used to stop me (example: Not being able to see their progress in life), but anymore, I don't think about that. Usually I stop my self in the tracks of thinking, and the thought runs through my head.. Did I really just think of it like that? It's not just once every here, it's a few times a day. It scares me that I think about it that way, but at the same time, it makes me feel calm, because if I did decide to end it all, I wouldn't have to go through this life. I wouldn't have to feel everything like this, and I could finally be at peace. Whereas when I used to think about it, it was kind of "I wouldn't do that, doing that to the kids would be horrible.. it's just a phase" I think it's not so much a phase anymore.