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Here It Goes...

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The best way to put it is that I just can't stop thinking about suicide.

At this very moment, Im okay.
Im not in a ball clinging to my bed, and Im not glued to my computer looking up pill dosages or how to tie a noose.

My problem is that I don't think I'll ever be able to change.
Im tired of the bouts of depressions, Im tired of feeling almost numb to things, Im tired of not being able to talk to people because of my fear that I'll be judged or hated, Im tired of the anxiety of even going to the store, Im tired of being alone all the time and having no one to reach out to.

I could explain all of this but this isnt my blog now is it?
So I'll highlight.

The only person I have told about seriously wanting to kill myself, is my 'best friend'. The problem with him is that he feels like crap alot of the time too.
And that doesnt work out when you're trying to tell him you think you might hang yourself soon, because all he did was tell me what reasons he had for 'getting over it' and then basically told me that it's my fault I feel like I do.

The only other thing I'll squeeze in here, is when it comes to my parents.
I've been thinking about trying to get help lately, but I'm not sure if my problems are serious enough for me to ask for help. But here's the part about my parents, Im ashamed to tell them I want help, I've always been a very emotional kid, and having had all of the problems I've had over the years make me not want to tell this to them, like spare them anymore of my bullshit.

I could explain all of this for hours, but as it stands right now I would rather be dead, emotionless, and out of the way. I can picture myself ending it, and it scares me.
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total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
First off i want to say hi YOu have been suffering long enough okay talk to your parents or a councillor at your school talk to your doctor okay You would be amazed at how sometimes medication can pull one back to a state of happiness You will never know unless you try hun just like any other illness out there if you can get treatment then get it okay You will be stronger and have more energy to do the t hings you enjoy You will also be able to help you friend more as well because you will be more stable Maybe even take your friend into get some help too hugs


Well-Known Member

I hope you try everything you can think of, to help
before you make such a decision.
I know how it feels to be ashamed af all this
but some just have to get through more crap than others do
I wish you to find the power to fight all this.


Well-Known Member
Hey Jake - you've been brave keeping this to yourself - but you have to a bit more brave and tell someone other than your friend who seems a little immature - but its understandable as he/she is young no doubt and sometimes its hard to relate.

Don't blame your friend - its a hard topic to discuss - but a counsellor would be able to cope more easy and tell you that - your OK really!

Suicidal thoughts are bad. If kept to yourself they become more difficult to deal with and to tell people about.

So do be open to someone - school counsellor or doctor - its NOT fair to yourself to live this way and it is a mistake for anyone to actually hide it.

That said - we do not want to tell the world do we?

You have people listening and we can advise you due to our experience.

I can recall being 15-yrs-old with this!

Now I'm 46 - and I'm winning!

Would have won aged 16 had I been more open - but there we go!

Best of luck mate.


Staff Alumni
Hey again, Jake! :)

Was just going to add that if you haven't noticed already, there's a "Let it all out" sub-forum with Members' Public or Private Diaries.. you can put diaries elsewhere too so people can comment, if that is something you would like to look into. :hug:

Your buddy,

Mr. A


Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
Hey Jake,
Hell yea it's worth looking into.. Get some help.. Your parents would rather have you akive than dead..It's really hard on a parent to loose a child..I worry about my daughter everyday because she is suicidal and has my grandaughter to look after..
I'm sure your parents will show you support when you tell them this is your option..Stay the fight..You have us on your side..Take Care!!
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