Here - My Ninth Visit this month -

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacob91, Dec 6, 2007.

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  1. Jacob91

    Jacob91 Member

    I'd just like to write and have an ear to hear me. - Since October 21st, I have visited this wonderful site on a good dozen occasions.

    The question is - why? Am I right?

    Not the obvious why, the answer to which is the suicidal thoughts, but the underlying why.

    I'm 15 years old. I abide to an impetuous moral code, governing my actions. If I had to pinpoint a reason for feeling suicidal for 7 years without rest - it would be a reason that I can absolutely guarantee would make no since to the vast majority of people who have never met me before.

    The reason for my death would be that the people closest to me are suffering.
    Suffering inside - All of them.

    I was too. I eventually opted out of suicide for their sake - and eventually, debased my emphasis on helping out myself. I regret it - It's taken too much. I know why it's human nature to be selfish, it's much more efficient.

    I have witnessed death, many times. I have a unique attribute about myself - I usually purposely call it a disorder (incorrectly). I have frequent Out-of-body experiences which occur in my sleep - my dreams are very vivid and graphic, and I am unable to discern them from reality. They supposedly represent the silhouette of my subconscious, but I believe it is more.

    Yeah, you're probably reading this and wondering about why you're reading it. Or you had intentions of reading it, but scrolled down to get the highlights. I honestly say to you, congratulations, if you did so.

    But if you are the one reading - I want you to know that I truly, absolutely, undoubtedly have heartfelt empathy for you.

    My intentions for suicide (I ever I do commit suicide) would be to shock my peers into valuing their own life. Scare the death out of them. Make a difference.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Many of my attempts were made with that same belief. And even though I recently decided to try and escape my suicidal tendancies at least for now, that is still what I believe. Others are suffering inside and it is because of the pain I am causing them. To end their pain I must end myself. But to do it as a "wake up call" seems rather revenge oriented in my opinion. And to commit suicide for that reason just doesn't seem right. Ah yes, there is no right reason to commit suicide says the person who has never suffered at the agonizing thoughts of that very thing. But to those who suffer we all have our own reasons or agendas. I would like to ask you to stay and post some more thoughts and feelings. It might help you find a little peace with your demon and the members here are very understanding ppl. Glad you have chosen to share this with me and the others here.
     
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