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Here we go again

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lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
Depression has slowly crept back into my life and with it, the suicidal thoughts. I constantly feel lonely. I constantly feel down. I constantly wonder if this is a cycle I am going to have to deal with forever. I want to seek help but with my new insurance plan I can't afford it. I can barely afford to go the regular doctor when I have a cold anymore, everything is so damn expensive. I just found out that my job is looking to let me go after my two year training period is over. I have busted my ass day in and day out at that place with no one ever saying thank you or good job and this is how they re-pay me? By not even evaluating my performance and letting me go so easily? Now I have the added stress of knowing my job is only temporary. It has caused me to lose almost all motivation to go in to work now. I hardly have motivation for anything anymore. I want to do more but whenever I reach out to people I am shut down and I am so tired of doing everything alone. I feel like I am destined to be alone forever. I tell myself it's fine, just go see that movie alone, or go to the beach alone, but how long can someone keep doing things by themselves before the loneliness takes over and becomes overwhelming? It's not like I'm not trying to have and make friends. I just feel so frustrated that my head is going to explode. And now suicidal thoughts are back in my life because of all this shittiness going on and just the shitty feeling of doom and loneliness that I feel 24/7. I feel so down and upset. I have been crying almost every day and it hurts to smile.
 
#3
Sorry to hear that you are going through this

I just found out that my job is looking to let me go after my two year training period is over
Were you told that formally? A lot of employers are pretty ruthless when it comes to personnel issues.

There should be vocational assistance for people with disabilities in your state (I think every state has a program). It may go by a name like "vocational rehabilitation" or something like that. They can give you free training and help you find a job that is a good match for you disability.

Calling 211 or visiting 211.org might help. They can help connect people with healthcare and employment

It may be that you can find a better job working with people that you like better too. Changing jobs can be stressful, but often times it can be a change for the better.

I hope that something can help.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#4
@Clair thank you for the link. I will definitely check it out. Healthcare in the U.S. is brutal. You are charged outrageously for every little thing which is why a lot of people don't seek help. It can literally put you in debt for the rest of your life.

@may71 I was told by my supervisor. He said there is a "possibility" but with the way my job is... I know that more than likely they won't keep me. I work for a religious organization and I am not of that religion. That didn't matter to the people who hired me but they are long gone and now the requirement to work there is thay you must be.. However I do agree with you that if that is their attitude I will probably be better off somewhere else. It's just the stress of job hunting and the feeling that this company doesn't give a shit about me despite my efforts that stings.
 
#6
Sorry you're feeling this way. If you want to talk I am here just inbox me.. I wish you the best with everything and continue to post your feelings on here.. I know it's certainly been helping me :)
 

Melby

Guardian of the Human Spirit
#7
I am sorry you felt the same way. I totally get it, how the cycle of doom keeps repeating itself over and over and over like a never-ending ride. Sometimes, we just want it to stop, for us to take a breather, but it's not up to us to control it. Sending you lots of love.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#8
Thanks everyone. I was able to get the rest of this week off of work so hopefully that can bring me some relief and I can focus on myself a little bit. I will definitely explore those links and see if there is something affordale near me so I can get some help.
 
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