had a couple of bad days this week, was doing okay yesterday. today, again, im digging myself into this dark hole. im not sure how to get out of it and im not sure how i got in it to start with. im questioning whether this trying to help myself stuff is really worth it. is it worth the hurtful memories. is it worth it to open up just to be hurt again. why trust when it allows for hurt. why doesnt the mind settle down, why does it have to go over and over things. why cant people see how i am feeling without me having to spell it out for them. why dont i let people in and allow them to help. need to figure this out.