Here We Go Again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keiran, Apr 27, 2011.

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  1. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    Ive been depressed for years, but ive always tried to stay happy. I post here and then I'm gone for a while , but I always end up posting here again.

    Right now the main reason I am posting is because I'm on spring break, and, well, I sit around the house all day and play games and crap. I dont have any friends to hang out with. The other day, I told my mom I was going to the movies with "my friend" so she thought I was actually going to hangout with friends, like she always tells me to. She doesn't realize I have no friends to hang out with. Anyways, I saw a movie by myself.

    I just wanna have some friends and have fun. But I guess it's too much to ask to be like everyone else.

    Maybe if there was something I was good at, or something, but no. I fail at everything. And I screw up other peoples lives too.

    I just don't know how long I can keep this up. I tell myself things will get better, well I don't see anything getting better. I'm ready for an end, but there's always something that's holding me back, although idk what it is.
     
  2. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    Deep down inside you have the will to live because you have hope things will get better and I'm guessing you don't really want to die you just want your life to be different.I can relate to that and about not having any friends it sucks. However your almost better off with no friends then with drug friends, phonys or people who don't really care about you.

    How old are you if u don't mind me asking? It sounds to me like you're fairly young there's plenty of time for things to get better.try to get out and do stuff you enjoy wether it be sports, something artists or hands on. Join an online community.

    I'm sure there are lots of things your good at, you haven't found your passion yet, try as many things as can. Other then drugs or crime,
    Lol bad joke.

    Dont be too hard on yourself I doubt you've screwed anyone's up that's just your depression talking. Now me on the other hand I've actually screwed lots of peoples lives up, even then I know I have a good heart everyone makes mistakes.. Assert yourself to make a few mistakes if properties can't accept them that's their fault.

    Anyways take care and goodluck I see things getting better for you.
     
  3. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    I have always had hope that things will get better, but you know, I'm starting to lose that hope considering that things haven't gotten better yet and it's been forever.

    I'm 17. There is time for things to get better, but I don't know if I can bear that long to see it happen.

    I've already gone down that road of drugs. Friend asked me to try, he said no pressure or anything, just if I felt like doing it, cause he had just started at the time. I was 13 or 14 at that time. I always thought in school " I wonder what that feels like" when were doing drug class or whatever that shit is where they teach you drugs are bad. They said they were addicting, and I didn't want to be addicted. I decided I didn't care. They're so wrong, it is not at all addicting. I can stop whenever...and I'm not just saying that. Right now I am unable to get a chance to do it without parents finding out, so I haven't done it in while, and I don't have any drawbacks or anything from not doing it. I haven't technically stopped but it might be a while before I get to do it again. Well, I didn't mention, I'm just talking about weed here. I haven't done any other drugs I've been asked to try shrooms and acid, but thats it.

    And when I say I screw up other peoples lives...well, for example, a couple weeks ago I wasn't wearing my seatbelt on the way home from school, and my brother was driving, and a cop was checking every car that went by, and I ended up getting my brother a ticket.

    I just can't keep living like this...
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey yeah I think you are being too hard on yourself

    as far as the ticket goes, shit just happens in life. it can be hard to deal with all of the little problems, or the big problems, but I don't think that means that you are screwing up other people's lives. that's just the stuff that happens to anyone as part of life.

    maybe if you could be in another environment things could get better

    some place with more support?
     
  5. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    Weed can be addictive if you smoke enough for a long time. You may
    Not think it has bad effects but when you're a kid and your brain is growing it can lead to more serious down the road. It's also true what they say about it being a gateway drug if ur smoking weed daily as a younger teen it won't be long before you're trying cocaine, ecstasy, crack, heroine. Drug friends for the most part don't really care about you fall out with one and theyll all be quick to turn on you.Drug dealer and gangs mostly care about their money and their crew everyone else is an object to them. Aggressive sociopaths and dyssocial sociopaths are the norm in these groups.

    Think of it as a blessing your not in with the drug crowd now you become a product of your environment. Just like some dyssocial sociopaths they aren't natural sociopaths but their friends are gang members and the culture is in a way where you don't have empathy for people not in your circle

    You said you wreck other peoples lives then gave an example about your bro getting a ticket because you didn't have your seatbelt on. No joke you saying that almost made me think your a troll that's extremely
    minor and only a small fine. I've done things a million times worse and deep down inside I know I'm a good person.

    Find something that interests you weather it be a hobby like lifting weights, baseball, computers etc.. Join a online community and hang out with these people in real life.

    Focus on your school get good grades and maybe you can go away to college somewhere and in a way get a fresh start.

    goodluck and hopefully you take some of my advice.
     
  6. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    The ticket was $101.

    But anyways, it's all these minor things that add up to all of this. I always make the wrong decisions and I used to have a little group of friends I always talked to and stuff but with one little thing I said, I screwed that all up.

    I just need my fresh start now.
     
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