Here We Go Again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by innocencexisxlove, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    So I've just fallen back into habit.

    After my last round of cutting, I honestly didn't think I'd do it again. Apparently I was wrong..

    I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm looking at it right now and it makes me cry thinking I just did that.. It's like, I don't want to do it, but in the moment I feel the need to do it.. I just don't want to get back into habit, since I really don't have anyone to talk to about this anymore... My "best friends" are tired of hearing about me and cutting.. My mom would flip... Finished with my therapist months ago, and I don't wanna do that anymore...

    Any suggestions before I lose it?? :unsure:
  2. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    There's no real suggestion I can give without knowing you personally. I've never talked to people about my cutting unless they inquire - I taught myself to be independent, even though that really fucks me up when I'm back in the pit.

    Can I ask why you did it this time? What triggered you, and why do you think your back into habit? I see cutting as an addiction, not a habit. So when you look at it from my perspective, you relapsed instead of falling back into it. And a relapse isn't anything to be ashamed of, it just proves that we're still human.
  3. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    My moms verbal abuse. I just can't take being stared at and called fat anymore by her... It hurts. And she can't seem to grasp that... Now I feel all icky and gross thanks to her wonderful words...

    I've also been getting crap from an ex bf and it's just really gotten to me lately.

    Everything was going so good, and then suddenly, it all went back to crap I guess you could say.
  4. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    In my own experience, when a mother is taking shots at her kids it's because she herself is very self conscious and feels bad. People who are depressed and angry and don't know how to deal with it just become angry and aggressive with everybody, even if they don't deserve it.

    I'm sorry your mom is giving you so much shit, but your ex boyfriend shouldn't even matter. I'd only give a fuck about what my partner thinks if they were STILL my partner. He's history - so are his words, cause most likely he's repeating shit. If not, then he's just angry at himself for something and wants a punching bag, much like your mother.

    Nobody is right to take shots at you like that unless you actually deserve it for something you did, and being fat - even if you are, isn't your fault. The only fault you have in it is that your not doing something to reverse it, which a lot people can't even do.
  5. Luna1

    Luna1 Member

    I know it is very difficult but you should try to find other coping mechanisms when you are dealing with your mum.
    I know what it feels like when your own mother verbally abuses you and I understand how hard and hurtful it is. At some point I started to take a step back and think "stop, she doesn't mean it, she is just angry with herself and knows not better than to take it out on you". It really helped me and I became able to defuse these situations.
    I wish I could help you with your cutting, I guess you have to take every day and try not to do it, to release the pressure/ pain in some other way.
    Please take care of yourself!
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