here we go i guess

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by gubby, Aug 3, 2013.

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  1. gubby

    gubby Active Member

    This has been going on for awhile now... But the suicidal thoughts didn't start until a few months back, maybe a little earlier. I've obviously spoken to others about this before but it's always been really hard. Whenever I talk about it, I just feel so weak and helpless... and sometimes I tell myself that I probably sound like a fake/attention ***** whenever I bring it up. I'm wondering if anyone else has felt that way before.
    I've had depression for a little over two years now, I'm still young. I'm starting my first year of high school in less than two weeks. I still remember the day it started and I had no idea what it was. I just woke up and felt... different. When I started to realize that it was probably depression I told my best friend who also has it and has been through quite a lot of shit. She said I probably had it as well and should tell my mom or an adult. I didn't do that immediately, I was undoubtedly embarrassed and I felt bad about making my mom upset or worried. My parents had just gone through a divorce recently as well. When I finally told her she first thought it was because of the divorce, but I'm certainly okay with it. I made a quick recovery after it happened.
    I started cutting about a month into it. The first time I did, the size was small and barely noticeable. But then I did it again, and again, and the size and distinction increased after each time. I still do it to this very day. I also have these moments where I feel so awesome and inspired to do things but then they just kind of disappear, and sometimes really fast. That's another thing I hate.
    I think that should be enough back story, I'm still not entirely clear about why I have it though.
    I've met a lot of good people, they've helped some, I mean I'm still alive right?
    That's all I really have to say for now... thanks.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi gubby welcome to sf it is good you are reaching out for support hun. with depression there does not have to be a reason stress can lower the levels of dopamine and serotonin in the brain that can cause depression You did not say if you talked to your doctor about your sadness it might help meds therapy You also can talk to a councilor at your school who can help as well I do hope you continue to reach out for support now ok while you are still young hugs
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Gubby. Glad you are here. I am also glad that you were able to tell your mom about the depression. Its important to not keep it a secret. I dont think there is one reason why people get depression. As Total Eclipse said, it can be brain chemestry. It can be hormonal. There is a psychiatrist in Calif who has done a lot of work on how hormone imbalances often can be at the root cause of depression. sometimes depression is passed down from generation to generation.

    The good news is that there are usually ways to manage it with treatment. Sometimes medications can make a huge difference. Its just a matter of finding what can work for you. The important thing to really know is that you are not the depression. Please do notllo alloww it to ever define who you are. You are a person who is trying to deal with what depression causes. YOU are not helpless or weak. Although I do understand that the depression does cause those symptoms, feelings and thoughts...for sure.

    I am wondering if when you get to highschool if you could talk to the school counseller about what you are dealing with? I cannot imagine any rational human being thinking that you ( and i quote your own words) } sound like a fake/attention ***** whenever I bring it up" A school counseller will definately not think you sound like a fake attention seeker. And neither would any person who has any understanding of depression. But, as you already know, depression can cause people to question things about themselves. It causes people to think, very wrongly, that they are a wide variety of nagative things. And that can cause isolation. Thats why, in my opinion its so important to get the help you deserve... if t all possible.

    Above all, please stay safe. Because there is help. Keep posting here. Its a very good community !!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2013
  4. gubby

    gubby Active Member

    Thanks total eclipse. I forgot to mention that I have seen a therapist a few times as well as a psychiatrist.

    And thank you too flowers. I probably will end up talking to my school counselor, my mom will probably schedule something. The advice was great! I do plan on posting more often here. Thanks
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Good to hear, gubby. I dont think you would have to rely on your mom to schedule something with the school counseller. If you felt okay doing it, you should be able to do that yourself. Maybe your mom will schedule something with a private counseller? That would be great as long as it is someone you like. I just started seeing a counseller. If you want, send me a pm to let me know how things are going. And remember....... you are not the depression. And there is help for the depression :hug:
  6. Katt101

    Katt101 New Member

    Hey gubby I know how u starting high school too and Im nervous cause I dont have lots of friends and ive been deppresed for quite awhile..I have those moments too when I feel happy im alive but its gone quickly, music helps me a lot :) I hope u feel better
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Katt. Glad you are here. Do you think you might be able to talk to your high school guidence counselor about it? They can be helpful and understanding.
  8. gubby

    gubby Active Member

    Hi katt, music helps me a lot too. we can share similar music tastes if you want. you can pm me <Mod Edit: Personal Information>
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2013
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