gone 2 morrow. I guess if I am going to post in here I need to introduce myself. I type and erase more than I post. I don't know what to say about myself. I can go through the list of mental illness lables that doctors have tried to slap on me and then i could list all about my current health crisis but those things aren't me. that is just what i am going through right now. Me. I am an artist, a musician and a writer. I am a mother of five. I am learning how to cook...and its sorta sad cuz i'm 30 and you'd think i could cook by now? i like to garden. i belive in natural cures, not bottles of pills (personal belife, but hey, whatever works for you is k by me) i can't spell worth a hoot so ya kinda have to over look my sloppy posts. i don't hit the spell check button or else as the program is spell checking i re-read and delete what i type. I have suffered through incest,rape and other abuse. i am a recovering alkie/addict. i have delt with mental illness since i was 14 officially, but my theory is you have to be born sane to realize you aren't normal.... so mental illness doesn't bother me :tongue: a swing here, a new paranoid thought there, a wonderful flashback, open the door three times...oh wait..make that four for good measure...and what ever you do don't turn off the lights. blah blah blah. its all normal to me..compared to the rest of my family i am sane. compared to someone who goes to work, sits behind a desk 40 hours a week to afford the gas to drive to work so he can afford the house he is living in (is it living in if you only get to sleep in it m-f?) and keep up with the jone's...i think i am ok. mr. rat race is the one with a rock loose in his head. i am here because i have always been suicidal. i have had serious suicidal idealization issues in the past..and more than one attmept. sorta like 12 attempts, most of them occoring before the age of 18...nothing has worked for me. i cant be honest with myself and i hope this is a place where i can start being honest to me and not get judged by others or be labeled a freak. things are honestly pretty bleak right now. major health crisis. past abusers have re-entered my life. lotsa stress and i need a healthy way to release so i am trying to write and keep the post. i don't want to go back to ... the unhealthy habits i have of releaving my stress. that is me in a nutshell.