why do i get depressed. sometimes it feels like i'm on top of the world, and for no reason at all it changes and it feels like the whole world is on top of me. i just feel so down, even though i have everything. so i ask why? why me? i managed to get away from a bad situation a couple of years ago by running away to a different country. since then i've learnt a new laguage from scratch, i've got money in my pocket, great friends, my own place, i've been with enough girls to realise finally i'm beautiful on the outside even if the guy on the inside has rotten away, i've been clean for over a year, i drink moderatly... but i'm doing something wrong, because what is it all for? why do i keep trying? i got to the point where i can say, yes i did it, i've made it on my own, i did everything they said i can do in life, soooo... emmm.... for what? i'm sorry did i miss the icecream van that was handing out all the accomplishment feelings? i don't know what i'm going to do, i tried once to end it, and i was almost successful, i feel no guilt for what i did, i feel even more depressed that i did it wrong. not exactly wrong, its just somebody found me "in the nick of time." this time if i want to do it, it won't take as long. just the click of a button, and at this time of the year i have enough time on my own to think yes or no or yes or no or yes or yes. so why? friends, no, friends are cool and all, but at the end of the day they don't last a life time, i learned that when i moved to another country. girls, no, everyone i ever knew has gotten a divorce, so love isn't forever either. don't even speak to me about god/higher power/destiny, i think the only thing i believe in is sods/murphys law. money, material things? no way. i need answers, and for the philosophers out there, don't post, because your answers are just more questions....yes or no, yes or no, tonight, tomorrow, next week?!!!