This will be the first time I've told anyone I feel this way. I'm a 21 year old male virgin (I'm ok with that). I've been lurking a lot of places like this for about a month now and haven't found anyone I relate with, (relating to people seams to be a reoccurring problem with me) unlike nearly all of to stores I've read I have no depressing background, I have friends and family that love me and support me though thick and thin I've had every opportunity I could rationally ask for and still i hate my life. Hating a perfectly fine life leads me to believe that the depression I feel is from some medical type disfunction that could be fixed easy with drugs, good news right? Not for me because I really hate drugs I will use them only as a last resort. So thats why I'm here and not calling the help line I memorized a few days ago. The other thing I should probly explain (wonder if anyone caught this) is why I'm coming out to strangers and not my loving family. Let me tell you a story I read a few days ago (I can't find it anymore witch is to bad because I want to read it over) it was a about a mother that found her teen daughter after she shot herself I remember the mom saying some stuff like "there where signs but I was to caught up in my own stupid life" she blamed herself and didn't tell anyone and all that other stuff your not suposta do then she got some bad therapist and tried to join her daughter with some combination of pills, she said she took them without flinching and went to bed only to later puke them back up in the middle of the night and realize she waited to live and got a new therapist and all that other good junk and now she helps people thinking about doing themselves in. Thats what I don't want my mom and dad to have anything to do with and if I had it my way I would just make everyone forget about me and send my organs to the nearest hospital so someone would get some use out of them. But I can make them numb to me so thats keeping me alive and keeping me in school (that I dread) so I can get a good job (that I will learn to dread) and I guess try to kill my soul with harming the body and produce some small statistic or something so my life was worth more then what was spent making it (the American dream. or something). Thanks for reading don't worry much about posting it just felt good to get that all out.