I have had suicidal thoughts most of my life, My first marriage of 20 years failed because she thought I was too boring, so she felt the need to cheat, which somehow is my fault, I have been marriage to my 2nd wife now for almost 9 years. She has been the most amazing person in the world, I have had many heart related problems in the last 5 years and she has taken such good care of me. Why is it no matter how happy I am I still have the thought I want to, or am going to die any day? So now I am 51 and I really just don't want to go on..... I feel I cant talk to my wife about it, she thinks depression is something a person can just get over and be happy.