here's my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hunter77, Jul 11, 2012.

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  1. hunter77

    hunter77 Member

    well im not going to put too many details about me but heres what is going on...
    When i was 5 years old i got raped and stuff hasnt been the same since. Well it started when i was 5 til i was about 10 years old. yes it was a girl but ive always been a bubbly energetic boy when i was a kid but when i turned 12 everything just took a turn. i started noticing that i had a few disorders like ocd, repedative thoughts, depression, anxiety, bipolor, and its like my mind turned foggy and idk what to say to people when im talking to them or what to do. I also became very sensative about what people say about or to me. when i was 13 my mother went to college and began to drink alcohol heavy. It was mainly like i didnt have a mother at all and it hurt worse since i was really close to her but when she quit i began starting a bad habit of recreational use of "stuff" to get rid of the pain but it didnt help cuz i still had suicidal thoughts, but i quit and tried to move on with my life. Usually i have suicidal thoughts and become too scared to go through with them but tonight everything has just gone down the crapper! i disappointed my parents and got treated bad by my girlfriends family (putting me on the spot and making fun of me, ect) and a whole bunch of other stuff i dont wanna even minchion but tonight im feeling like it could be the night that i accually go through with it and i know im selfish and i really just dont care anymore, im just fed up with life and im sick and tired of living. nobody in my life cares anymore...i try telling my "friends" whats going on and how im feeling and nobody litterly cares so maybe someone on here will give a crap...maybe
     
  2. Cobain

    Cobain Member

    Man you had a tough life, I don't know if I am the guy who should answer to you because my life is very different. Reading that you quit the use of recreational drugs has to be seen as something very positive and difficult, so you should be proud of that.
    Right now I'm feeling like you and I have to say it's really hard to go through all these problems, we're all trying to solve them constantly every day but every time we solve them something else appears.
    At least you have a girlfriend, not like me, so you should talk with her and find some support from her. Also disappointments are something that we all should cope with, I feel dissapointed about myself everyday but we have to understand it's part of the human mind, also sadness and depression and anger, everything is produced by our mind to cope with a situation. We all just have to accept all our feelings, even the bad ones I guess...., hope you think about it before you'll decide.
     
  3. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    You were dealt very difficult situations in life. No one can deny that, but you have to see what you might be missing. We have some things in common and they still haunt me. I was never close to my mother, she never showed interest in my life. I lost most people that were close to me when I got sick. I automatically blamed everyone for my shortcomings. When I was down and out I lashed out at friends, not knowing that they did really care. I wore out my welcome with certain people because I ran off anger and depression. I don't doubt that some of your friends or certain people just don't exactly how you feel. Maybe they say the wrong things, maybe they are just plain mean about how to respond. It's not you, it can possibly be a lack of empathy. I figured out most people who never had to deal with some down right brutal things, could never show much empathy. Reach out to people on this forum, because many have seen a very dark side of life. I have no problems with hearing whatever you have to say, in fact id like to here from you. I care about people, regardless of what happens to me, I always will. A friend I grew up with moved away not to long ago, he attempted suicide. I was the only person he called and I saved his life by calling the cops. He thanks me whenever he is in town for giving him a new perspective. I know he would do the same for me. Maybe that is what you need, a new look or even a new direction. If people on here could prevent you from taking that last step, they would in a heartbeat. Most of us have tried and know friends that succeeded. PM me whenever and I really know things can be fixed.
     
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